


On the Other Hand

by Nina8228



Series: White Chrysanthemums and Gladioli [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Fourth of July, Gay Bucky Barnes, M/M, Mutual Pining, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, New Year's Eve, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Sharing a Bed, Storytelling, Underage Drinking, so many metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22165288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nina8228/pseuds/Nina8228
Summary: Bucky Barnes is like the sun. Brilliant, ever present, giving life to everything. An unattainable necessity that everyone orbits. Steve Rogers isn’t even a star. Steve Rogers is like the moon. A small lonesome rock that is caught in the orbit of both the sun and the Earth. Peggy is Steve’s Earth. His grounding planet that makes him feel useful and needed as much as the sun is. But lately it feels like the Earth and the moon have been spiraling apart from each otherEverything but in Steve's POV, but then Bucky comes back and misunderstandings ensue.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: White Chrysanthemums and Gladioli [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1587310
Comments: 5
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Steve was doing on New Years

Bucky Barnes is like the sun. Brilliant, ever present, giving life to everything. An unattainable necessity that everyone orbits. Steve Rogers isn’t even a star. Steve Rogers is like the moon. A small lonesome rock that is caught in the orbit of both the sun and the Earth. Peggy is Steve’s Earth. His grounding planet that makes him feel useful and needed as much as the sun is. But lately it feels like the Earth and the moon have been spiraling apart from each other. 

So Steve goes to the only person he trusts. Sarah Rogers. 

Normally he would go to Sam or Peggy with this kind of problem but with Tony’s New Years party tonight he wouldn’t want to hamper their fun. Plus it’s been a while since he had a heart to heart with his mother. He tries not to give her more stress by talking about his problems, but sometimes a boy needs his mother. He parks his motorcycle and steps off the machine in front of an old pre-war brownstone. He takes a deep breath and enters his childhood home. The smell of cinnamon is the first thing he notices, but faintly he can smell the bleach his mother uses to keep the house clean. She hated the smell but it was a necessary evil with an immunocompromised child. Now with her own health issues the house still has to remain pristine. 

“Hey Ma,” he yells as he puts his bag down in the foyer. He takes out the white chocolate toblerone bar and heads into the apartment. “Ma?” He looks around as if his mother would magically manifest in front of him. 

“Turn around, sweetheart.” Steve turns and sees her standing in the kitchen behind him with a barely concealed grin. He smiles and runs into the kitchen engulfing his mother in a hug. Sarah Rogers is a tall, handsome woman, her eyes mirroring the ones on her son’s face, but his smile, that’s all Joseph Rogers, rest his soul. She can’t move her arms from her son’s embrace but she doesn’t mind, after almost losing him so many times she feels she has no reason to complain, as long as they’re both together. 

“Hi, Ma” Steve loosens his arms and gives his mother a kiss on the cheek. “I brought you something.” He hands the triangular chocolate bar to his mother. She takes it in her frail hands and leaves it on the counter. 

“You’re too kind, Stevie. Anyways,” she issues for Steve to sit on the bar stool while she makes her tea. “What are you doing here, doesn’t that one rich friend of yours have that big party tonight?” She takes out two mugs from the cabinet behind her that reads ‘Kiss Me I’m Irish’ and two packets of mint green tea. 

“Tony, yea, but it’s still early. Besides I would rather spend time with you,” he shoots her an exaggerated saucy look causing her to laugh. 

“Speaking of charming, how’s that friend of yours. The really attractive one that you’re always hanging out with?” Sarah glances at her son and pours the water into the two mugs, stirring honey into her own cup and brown sugar in Steve’s. He blushes, takes the cup graciously. 

“Bucky’s good, he’s nervous about his trip tomorrow, but—....What’s that face for?” His mother listens to him with a raised eyebrow and knowingly sips her tea. 

“I was actually asking about your friend Peggy, you wouldn’t stop talking about her last time you came over.” She smirks as Steve’s blush spreads throughout his whole body. Steve stands gobsmacked searching for the right response. Of course she would be talking about Peggy, he hadn’t introduced the two yet but he made no attempt to hide his feelings towards the brit in the company of his mother. 

Steve clears his throat. “Peggy’s fine— well not fine, I mean it’s not bad but….Ma, I need to talk to you.” At seeing Steve’s hurt puppy look Sarah goes across to where he’s sitting and cradles her son to her bosom. 

“Oh, my poor baby, let’s move to the couch, you can tell me everything there.” Steve slowly gets up and gives a meek smile to the tall woman. She cups his cheek then grabs the two tea mugs and heads to the living room. She sets the hot mugs on coasters then pats the seat next to her, waiting for her son to follow. Steve sheepishly heads to the couch, once he plops down his mother clasps his hands with hers and looks into his eyes in anticipation. Steve lets out a long sigh. 

“So, Peggy and I have been dating for like five months now, and it’s been going great— she’s great. But lately we’ve been… I don’t know how to explain it— plateauing? Like, there’s no spark between us anymore, and I get that we’re supposed to settle, that’s normal, but it just feels… empty.” He looks to his mother for reassurance of any kind, she focuses on him quizzically for a moment. 

“Five months may seem like a long amount of time for you dear, but it’s really not that long. You should still be in that stage where you’re just crazy about each other, and need to spend every minute together or else… you feel like you might die…” Sarah drifts off somewhere else, to a time much earlier with her and Joseph and how happy they were. Married right after high school, both just starting to live their lives. Joseph left this world too soon, Sarah reminisces. 

“It was like that, for a little while, but lately it’s just been kinda a chore to be with her. I care about her deeply, I know that, but I don’t feel the same anymore. What should I do?” 

“Well, sweetheart, if you’re heart's not in the relationship, you shouldn’t be either. If you really care about Peggy you’ll talk to her about how you’re feeling, maybe you two could work something out… but I feel like that’s not what you wanna do, is it?” Sarah gives Steve a knowing look. Steve looks at his lap, ashamed, his mother has always been able to see through him. 

“No it’s not, we both knew it wasn’t a forever thing, but I’m kinda disappointed. I’ve been hoping for some great love story, like you and Dad, but it looks like it’s gonna take me awhile to find someone.” 

“Hm...” 

“Hm?” 

“You’re normally as stubborn as a mule, you wouldn’t let this relationship die just like that.“ Sarah studies him for a moment. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with that attractive friend of yours, James, would it?” Steve can feel the heat rushing to his face. Sarah had actually met Bucky last year. 

It was their first year of college, nearing finals so Bucky and Steve were studying in Steve’s dorm. At least Steve was studying, Bucky was reading one sentence then immediately complaining about having to study, and why taking College Algebra shouldn’t be required for two people whose majors don’t deal with math in any way. Bucky was sprawled out on Steve’s bed while Steve took refuge on his desk. Steve decided to give into the procrastination and the two ended up discussing their winter break plans. Bucky bemoaned the fact that he would be stuck alone with his creepy Uncle the entire break and he’s going to be judging Bucky constantly and he’ll just be trapped and lonely in his huge house. Bucky just looked up at Steve with those pleading eyes of his and Steve was weak. Without thinking Steve invited Bucky to stay with him and his mom from Christmas until New Years. Bucky was ecstatic to say the least. He started rambling off plans for the two of them, where they should go, movies to watch, food to eat. Winter break couldn’t come soon enough. 

Sarah immediately fell enamored with Bucky when he showed up at her door with a smile and his mother’s famous christmas snickerdoodles. Bucky could charm anyone with that brilliant smile of his, he always knew just what to say to make you feel at ease. Bucky didn’t treat Sarah like she could break at any moment, he treated her like she was as strong and capable as anyone else. He was a saint in front of her, but to Steve he was a complete asshole. On the first night Bucky slept on the sofa, which sadly didn’t pull out. Although he didn’t complain, his constant yawning gave it away that he didn’t sleep at all. So the next night Steve took the sofa while Bucky took the bed, it was a hard fight but Steve won in the end. The morning after Bucky and Steve were making breakfast while Sarah slept after cooking their Christmas meal. Bucky prodded Steve about how he slept, he felt bad knowing that the couch was as uncomfortable as it was and that Steve had to sleep on it the entire night. Steve gave nothing away and even stifled his yawn, it was only when Bucky asked Steve to pick up the spatula he purposely dropped did his back pain become apparent. Bucky insisted they share the bed, they were both small enough that they could fit into the roomy queen. The next morning, no one was yawning or in pain, it was a normal night for all of them. After New Years it quickly became tradition that during breaks if Bucky couldn’t be with his family then he would stay with Steve. 

“Bucky’s just a friend—”

“Your best friend, if I remember correctly.” 

“He’s not into guys—” 

“Do you want him to be?” 

“Yes but— I mean no! I shouldn’t— well if he is, ya know that’s his thing, whatever— it, I’m—.” He sighs exasperated. “I don’t know what to do, Ma.” He looks up at her with pleading eyes. She pulls him into her embrace and strokes his hair in a calming manner. 

“Shhh, it’s okay sweetie, I’m gonna help you through this. Now start from the beginning with James and when this all started.” Steve took a deep breath and nodded his head, letting go of his mother. His feelings for Bucky went way back, all the way back to high school. Of course Steve noticed Bucky, everyone noticed him, he was one of the most popular boys in school because of his good looks, charming personality and general exceptional ability in both academics and athletics. He was practically perfect in every way. And Steve was the opposite of that, he was scrappy, and generally disliked and avoided. It was only in their senior year did Bucky and Steve have a class together, it was English, with Mr. Taylor. Steve thought that was his chance to actually talk to Bucky, but everytime he just chickened out and stuck to the back of the class. 

Fate however, seemed to favor Steve and allowed them to meet again on their first day of Uni and Bucky was the one to make the first move. Obviously Steve had noticed Bucky’s grand entrance into the classroom and his heart stopped, because although he was a mess he was still as handsome as Steve remembered. He felt like he couldn’t breath when Bucky came up to him after class and was acting all shy, like Steve was some hotshot who wouldn’t give him the time of day. It made Steve’s heart pound. He decided to take a step forward the next day and sit next to Bucky in class, he was even bold enough to ask for his number under the pretense of studying. The two went out on a friend date that Friday and Steve immediately fell for Bucky’s charm and wit, but more surprisingly found out how much of a dork he really is when he went on and on about Star Wars and space travel. It was humanizing and it should’ve tarnished the image he had of Bucky in his head but it only made him seem so much better. Steve was falling fast and he knew that Bucky wouldn’t want him, even if he did swing that way. Steve, although taller, was still that scrappy kid from high school, and Bucky is just everything anyone could ever want, it was silly of Steve to think he had a chance. So he stuck with being friends.

It was working fine, even better when he met Peggy and genuinely liked her. When she knocked down Gil, this huge dude who Steve once saw check a guy so hard he broke his jaw, Steve felt that sudden need to have her in his life. He talked to her under the pretense of making sure she was okay and offered to take her out as an apology. She took such a long time to answer Steve genuinely thought she was going to laugh in his face and maybe knock him out too but she just raised her perfectly manicured eyebrow and said okay as long as she gets to pay. The two hit it off and shortly started dating. 

Steve was convinced that he was over Bucky, especially if he could care for Peggy as much as he did, maybe even love her. But Steve still couldn’t tell Bucky about his new girlfriend, at first he claimed it was because he didn’t want to jinx it, then he told Sam, and he still didn’t tell Bucky. The two had a serious spat once he finally found out, the tiny voice in Steve’s head said that maybe Bucky was so upset because he had liked Steve, but that voice quieted down when a week later Bucky appeared genuinely happy for Steve and his new girlfriend. 

And Steve was, he was happy and he felt fulfilled. He had his best friend and his girlfriend. All was well until a few weeks ago. The three of them had just left their art class together, Peggy told Bucky to go ahead to the Student Union and they’ll catch up later. Steve had no idea what to expect, lately it’s been hot and cold with Peggy, either they were gonna go somewhere and fuck or Peggy was gonna yell at him for something stupid. With the furious expression on her face Steve could only assume it’s the latter. He mentally prepared himself for another argument, he really didn’t want to do this today. 

“What was that in class today?!” 

“What was what?” His lack of awareness to the problem only seemed to piss Peggy off more. 

“Lorraine! Sharpening your pencil!? Is this not ringing any bells, Steven?!” He was genuinely confused and looked at Peggy waiting for her to elaborate. Lorraine sharpened his pencil, is it really anything to fuss about? Peggy rolled her eyes at his dumbfounded expression and sighed exasperated. “I’m not dealing with this today, call me when you stop being a dumbass.” Without a kiss goodbye she walked off. Steve stood in the corridor confused, upset and a little peeved. He headed to the Student Union to meet with Bucky, Sam and Tony. The five of them were supposed to go to the mall for christmas shopping, and Peggy didn’t seem to be joining them anymore. 

“Hey, got you a milkshake.” Bucky greeted him with his usual smirk. Steve rolled his eyes playfully. 

“It’s freezing out and you got me a milkshake?” 

“Oh, well if you don’t want it—” Steve grabbed the milkshake from Bucky’s hand, his friend grinning. 

“Shut up, you jerk.” Steve pushed his shoulder, Bucky pushes him back. The two head over to the ballroom where Sam and Tony said they would meet them, but there was no sign of their friends. The two sipped their drinks in silence until Steve’s phone pinged shorty followed by Bucky’s own phone pinging. “Tony’s not coming, says he already bought presents.” 

“Neither is Sam, says he’s studying for his econ final. Looks like it’s just us.” The two disposed of their milkshakes and headed to the mall in Bucky’s convertible. Steve’s been distracted the entire trip trying to figure out why Peggy was so mad. 

“Okay,” Bucky plopped down next to him on the fitting room couch, “what’s up?” 

“Nothing.” Steve automatically responded. Bucky gave him an unimpressed look. 

“You’ve been out of it this whole time, christmas shopping is supposed to be fun. You didn’t even laugh when I suggested we get Tony a knockoff Stark phone. Is this about Peggy?” Steve leaned back and covered his face with his hands and nodded. Bucky sighed. “This is what? The fifth fight you’ve had this month? Is everything okay?” 

“I don’t know, Buck. Today she was upset about Lorraine for some reason? Like I don’t even know what I did wrong? And she doesn’t even give me a chance to explain myself, she just gets angry, blows up at me, then walks away. I don’t know what to do anymore.” Bucky patted Steve reassuringly on the back. 

“Maybe you two just need some time apart, think things through, ya know. But I feel Peggy, I would be pretty pissed if I was y’girl.” Steve looked at him quizzically. Bucky laughed in disbelief. “Did you seriously not notice? Dude, Lorraine was hittin’ on you all throughout class today.” Lorraine was a thin, fox-looking woman with short blonde hair. She was undeniably attractive but Steve never thought she would be interested in him. She only recently started talking to him in class, and it all seemed innocent. 

“She was?” 

“Yea man, she’s been sendin’ you signals since the start of the semester. Today she was just a little more upfront about it.” 

“And Peggy’s mad at me, because someone was flirting with me?” Steve still wasn’t getting this. 

“Oh my god, you’re so dense. She’s mad because you let her. Even worse, she might be under the impression that you were flirting back.” Steve sat up at this. 

“What?! I didn’t even know she was hitting on me!” 

“What do you think she was talking about when she asked if she could sharpen your pencil?” 

“I thought she was offering to sharpen it!” 

“Oh you poor innocent child,” Bucky laughed at his friends misery. The mood suddenly shifted as he leveled him with a heated look, the kind that sent blood straight to Steve’s crotch, and put his arm on the back of the store couch. His hand was on the back of Steve’s neck, just holding him there. He leaned in close, a breath apart. Steve was positive he was about to kiss him. Bucky’s eyes half-lidded as he started playing with the hair on Steve’s nape. “Can I sharpen your pencil, Stevie” he whispered sultrily. Steve almost let out a pathetic whimper, _yes_ , he really wanted Bucky to continue whatever this was. But then the hand on his neck disappeared and Bucky was leaning back, causing Steve to almost chase after him. “Not so innocent is it?” Bucky winked at him, Steve flushed in response as Bucky continued shopping. 

Steve kept taking deep breaths, what the fuck was that?! He hadn’t had any sort of thoughts towards Bucky since June but now all of a sudden he gets a little flustered when Bucky is close? He’s shared the same bed with him multiple times and he hasn’t ever reacted like this. What. The. Fuck. 

“Hey, what do you think?” Bucky called out. He was wearing a black leather jacket, he looked at Steve expectantly. Steve suddenly had trouble getting words out. He looked so good, with the tight, white shirt underneath and the worn out jeans, Bucky looked like something straight out of Steve’s fantasies. When Steve didn’t give him an answer he headed to the fitting room mirror to see for himself. “I look hot… don’t you think so, Stevie?” Bucky was looking at him coyishly through the mirror. Right. This is what they do, they tease one another, but it doesn’t mean anything. 

“Yea Buck,” he cleared his throat. “You look real hot. I don’t think Ma’s gonna let you stay with us for Christmas if you come over looking like the punk you are.” It must’ve worked, Bucky just laughed and continued posing in the mirror. 

“Now you know what to get me for christmas then.” Bucky took off the jacket and tossed it to Steve. He wasn’t wrong, and Steve was horrible at keeping secrets so last year’s present wasn’t much of a surprise. Steve went to the front and bought the jacket while Bucky kept looking for stuff for their friends. He claims he already bought Steve’s present a while ago, unlike Steve, Bucky can keep a secret. 

“By the way,” Steve turned around. “Peggy is overreacting a bit, a standup guy like you? You’d never cheat on her. You’re a, end of the line, type guy.” Bucky patted him on the back and the two head out of the store. Steve’s heart was pounding like it did a year ago. He felt guilty. That evening he went over to Peggy’s dorm and begged for forgiveness, the two promptly made up (again) and proceeded to have make up sex. Steve just felt dirty in the morning, but he still didn’t say anything to Peggy. 

The following weeks went the same as always, him and Peggy would get in an argument, a few hours later Steve would apologize and they would make up. But Steve decided that for winter break he’s going to take Bucky’s advice. He explained to Peggy that with all this arguing they should take some time apart to think about things and work on their relationship. Peggy surprisingly agreed, but Steve didn’t have the heart to tell his friends. He made it seem like him and Peggy were doing better than ever, he couldn’t handle their pity, and their speculation about when the two would break up would only give him worse anxiety. Steve had pushed down any thoughts about Bucky and tried to focus on what he wants out of his relationship, and it was working again. Until christmas, where Steve and Bucky had to share a bed. 

Normally it wouldn’t be much of a problem even with Steve’s reawoken interest. However since Steve packed on so much muscle from training camp over the summer the bed has become a bit more cramped. Bucky went to Indiana for Thanksgiving so there was no issue however for Christmas he’s in town which means he will be coming over. The logical thing for Steve to do would have been to invest in an air mattress, but right now he didn’t want to listen to logic so much. It was Christmas Eve and Bucky and Steve were getting ready for bed. Bucky was brushing his teeth in the bathroom and Steve wasn’t sure what to do. Should he just head on to bed or should he wait for Bucky. Bucky answered for him as he walked into the bedroom in an undershirt and sweatpants. Thank god for winter, Steve knew that Bucky preferred to sleep with as little amount of clothes as possible. 

“G’night Stevie.” Bucky laid down and pulled up the covers. Steve was still standing next to the bed like an idiot. Maybe he could just sneak in when Bucky is fast asleep, that way it wouldn’t be awkward. Bucky sighed and turned around to face Steve with an unamused expression. “You gonna join me any time soon? Or would you like a formal invitation?” Steve forced a chuckle. 

“I’m just a little nervous about…” he gestured to himself and looked up at Bucky anxiously. Bucky sat up on his elbows unimpressed. 

“Bad news sweetheart, you’ve been knocking me out of bed even when you were 140 soaking wet. I fully expect to be crushed by morning, now get into bed so I can sleep.” Bucky lifted Steve’s side of the covers and issued for him to get in. Steve smiled, reassured that Bucky didn’t mind. He went under the covers and realized quickly how tight of a fit it actually is. He wasn’t sure where to put his arms and decided fuck it, in for a penny in for a pound, or however that saying goes. 

“Hey Buck,” he whispered. “Is it okay if I put my arms around you— it’s just kinda awkward with no space…” 

“O-okay, do what ya gotta do.” Bucky was blushing furiously. Steve was suddenly everywhere, enveloping Bucky in his arms. Steve tried very hard not to focus on the fact that he was touching Bucky, and that the two were very close. He definitely did not notice how nicely Bucky fit in his arms, or how comfortable the position was. The two fell asleep shortly after. When Steve woke up Christmas morning to Bucky’s sleeping face nuzzled against his chest he realized he might have a big problem. 

“And so basically I’ve been avoiding him since he left after Christmas, and I haven’t spoken to Peggy in… I don’t even remember, like three weeks?” Steve looks at his mother waiting for her response. 

“To be honest I didn’t need all those details.” She responds glibly. “But the solution seems pretty simple, you want Bucky, you always have. But if you’re gonna pursue a thing with him then you need to let go of Peggy, it’s not fair to her.” She told him sternly. Steve nods solemnly. He looks at the clock, it’s already 10:30. Sarah notices the time too and apologizes for keeping him so long. 

“It’s not your fault Ma, I’m just a shit storyteller.” The two laugh. “But the problem still stands, Bucky isn’t gay.” 

“Has he told you?” 

“Huh?” 

“Has he told you he’s not gay? Has he come out as straight? Isn’t that what you always rant about, moving away from “normalizing heterosexuality” or whatever it is.” 

“Well yea but I don’t see how that—” 

“If he hasn’t explicitly stated that he’s straight then you shouldn’t assume you don’t have a chance. I mean he probably thinks you’re straight— wait Steven. Does he even know you’re bisexual?” It dawns on Steve. No, Bucky doesn’t know. God Steve is so stupid, he thought he made it obvious that he’s attracted to men and women. If there is the smallest chance that Bucky likes Steve he probably doesn’t do anything because he thinks Steve is straight. Goddammit. 

Sarah smiles seeing her son come to his own conclusion. “You still have time before New Years, go on sweetheart— Oh. But you need to break up with Peggy first, okay. Gently.” 

“Yea— Yes, okay definitely— I gotta go get flowers— chocolates. Something, anything. Bye Ma, happy New Years.” He quickly kisses his mother’s cheek, grabs his bag and heads out. He’s gotta stop by the nearest 24/7 grocery store and buy some flowers for Bucky, he can’t say how he feels yet but every gay knows the language of flowers. 

He buys a bouquet of white chrysanthemums, devoted love and loyalty. That’s what Bucky thinks of him. That’s what he’ll be for Bucky, a ‘til the end of the line type guy. He’s making his plan as he enters Tony’s huge mansion. He’ll pull Bucky into one of the rooms upstairs and give him the flowers and vaguely confess, he can’t outright confess because of Peggy. But just enough to hint that Steve does indeed like him and swing that way. 

“Here’s the man of the hour! Or should I say late hour— how rude Mr. Rogers, I get being fashionably late but this is—” 

“Tony! Do you know where Bucky is?” Steve tries to get a straight answer out of the obviously drunk host. Tony just nods vigorously and points upstairs. 

“He’s in the second room on your— whatever this side is” he issues to Steve’s right. He gives a curt thank you and walks quickly down the hall in anticipation. He stops behind the door and takes a deep breath. He opens the door and nothing could have prepared him for the sight before him. 

“You’ve gotta be shitting me.” He’s upset. No. He’s furious. He drops the flowers and strides into the room. 

“Steve— calm down! It’s not what it looks like— STEVE!” Peggy is trying to stop him. He can’t hear her. His only focus is his best friend and the loud thoughts going through his own head. 

He’s hurt.

He pushes Peggy aside and throws back his fist, Bucky is just standing there staring at the floor. Dumb, stupid, cute Bucky who was kissing his girlfriend. Bucky goes down without resistance and Steve leaves the room, runs down the hallway, and exits the house. 

Steve forgot that Bucky was the Sun, and the Sun attracts everything. Including the Earth.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve celebrates his birthday without Bucky and comes to a crushing realization.

The sun beats down on Steve’s chest. He should be concerned about burning but the warmth makes him feel cozy and a little drowsy. He feels at ease. Like all his problems don’t matter and he could just sleep on this lawn chair forever. This is probably how cats feel. 

“Hey, there’s the man of the hour.” 

Sadly, Steve is not a cat. 

“See you got the girls out today.” Tony grins while gesturing to Steve’s tits. 

He sighs and lowers his sunglasses giving Tony an unimpressed look. He’s grateful to Tony for letting him stay at his house for the summer. Apparently he’s been “real depressed” since Peggy broke up with him and needed some r&r. Sure he was depressed at first, but he thought he was handling it well. In the end he’s not gonna say no to a free vacation in East Hampton. 

“Don’t be like that, Rogers,” he whines and nudges his houseguests propped leg. “I’m doing this for you. A nice guy like you deserves to celebrate their birthday properly.” Steve groans like a petulant child. He doesn’t want to see people, and knowing Tony, it’s gonna be a lot of people. 

“Can’t we just have a cake with the gang.” Steve pouts and Tony just rolls his eyes.

“No, Steve,” Tony chides like a stern mother. “We already told people, you just have to show up and look pretty.” Steve sighs and gets up from his lawn chair with a pout, Tony pats his cheek twice before leaving back into the house. Steve follows and goes up the stairs to his bedroom. Technically it’s one of the guest bedrooms but Tony said Steve could keep it and just hang out whenever. Because Steve is always in the Hamptons? 

Originally Steve planned to stay with his mother but it seemed like even she couldn’t handle his mopey-ness. It was Sam who had first pointed out Steve’s gloomy mood. Peggy broke up with him shortly after New Years claiming that their relationship was strained enough as it is and that they were better off as friends. Sure Steve was depressed for a while but he quickly came back to himself, he was even friends with Peggy again. To be honest they were much happier being friends than lovers. He thought he was fine but Sam seemed to disagree. 

It was in early March after a hockey match, the team was in the locker room and Sam noticed that Steve wasn’t as celebratory as the other guys. Of course Steve was happy his team won and so coach Fury would give them a break for a while, but he wasn’t being “annoyingly happy” as Sam likes to say. Sam pulled him aside and asked him what was up. Steve’s automatic response was to say that he was fine, but Sam could always see right through him, just like his mother. Regardless he let it go. 

It was after the season ended that Sam finally figured out on his own why Steve was still so out of it. The team had decided to crash a frat party after losing their away-game, making it the last game of the season. And as team captain Steve had ended up pleasantly drunk pretty early into the night. Normally this would be a problem for Bucky or Peggy to deal with but due to the fact that neither of them were present it was up to Sam to keep their dear ol’ Captain in check. He lost him among the throngs of people in the overly crowded house. After hours of running up and down corridors, and pushing through what he could only assume were mulitple orgies he found his captain lounging on an old dingy couch with his tongue down some lucky brunette’s throat. Sam sighed internally and cursed Bucky, wherever he is now, for leaving Sam to deal with drunk Steve. He nudged Steve’s foot and waited for him to realize he was there. After a minute Steve broke the heated making-out session and turned to Sam with a lazy grin. His boy-toy turned to scowl at whoever pulled them apart. The words to formulate a sentence were caught in Sam’s throat. 

That boy looked just like Bucky. 

Same exact face, ocean-blue eyes, constantly smirking mouth, even the dimple in their chins were the same. And that’s when everything clicked together. Sam closed his mouth and started again. “C’mon, Cap,” he urged the blonde off the couch. “Let’s get you some water.” Steve pouted like the big baby he is but went with Sam anyway. In the morning Steve would thank him for not just taking care of him but making sure he didn’t have stupid, drunk sex with a stranger. 

Of course the morning also brought along the inevitable talk the two would need to have. The two remained awkwardly silent on the bus ride home and didn’t even look at each other until they were in their shared apartment. Sam strategically placed himself in front of Steve’s room as to block him from avoiding the conversation. “Has Bucky talked to you?” The two didn’t break eye contact and Steve looked like he might start crying. Steve quickly hid his emotions and changed his stance to more determined. 

“No. Why would he?” He tried his best to sound intimidating and unaffected. 

“Oh, well I was just curious,” Sam said casually. “He emailed me the other day, so…” Steve quickly crowded Sam against the door. 

“What! What did he say? Did he mention me? Is he okay?” Sam raised his hands in a surrender posture and issued for the two of them to sit in the dining room and talk, like functioning adults. Steve backed away and sat down, eagerly awaiting whatever news Sam had about Bucky. Sam decided to withhold that information until he got what he wanted. 

“Have you been into Bucky this whole time?”

“W-what, I have no idea what you’re talking about— I dated Peggy!” Steve was clearly flustered by this sudden line of questioning. 

“Cause I always knew you two were close,” Sam continued, ignoring Steve’s protests. “And I always teased him about having a crush on you, but I guess I wasn’t too far off the mark.” 

“...He had a crush on me?” Steve asked softly. Sam gave him a pitying smile. 

“Yea man— a seriously repressed crush— but he liked you. I’m not sure how he feels now but—” 

“What do you mean— Does he hate me? Is this what the email was about. Sam talk to me.” Steve pleaded. 

“Ah-a-a, I don’t tell you about the email unless you tell me the truth about your feelings. You’ve still been so depressed lately, I’m worried about you. We’re all worried about you.” Steve sighed deeply and Sam reached out his hand reassuringly. The touch was nice, a simple reminder that Steve was alive and could feel. And that Sam was there for him. 

“I’ve had a crush on him since highschool,” he started hesitantly. “And once we became friends it just seemed unlikely that we would be together… so I moved on. But then everything came back. And I didn’t want to move on.” He was looking at Sam with tears in his eyes now. Everyone assumes that a big guy like Steve, captain of the hockey team, would never cry or show any kind of emotion aside from aggression. But if they only knew how much of a crybaby Steve really was. “I was going to confess.” He admitted quietly. Sam waited for him to continue. “But then he was kissing Peggy— and I… Oh god Sam, I really ruined everything didn’t I.” 

“Wait— you were going to confess on New Years.” Steve nodded his head. “Is that why you were so late?” He nodded again. 

“I was talking to my mother about my feelings and what I should do. We ended on break up with Peggy and tell him how you feel— but it hurt so much Sam. Afterwards I thought maybe this was a warning for me, that I need to give up on him and focus on Peggy. But then she broke up with me…” he chuckled bitterly. “And I was so alone, Sam. I know I had you and Tony and everyone else, but…” 

“It’s not the same,” Sam finished. “I get it, you just lost your best friend, then you lost your girlfriend. It’s tough, your support group is dwindling, you feel alone, you isolate yourself, you think no one will notice you gone. But we noticed, Steve.” Sam looked at Steve intently. “Bucky may still be gone, but he’s coming back. Till then, you have me, your mom, Tony— hell, even Peggy, don’t be afraid to let us in.” Steve smiles softly at Sam. 

“Thank you, Sam. I just really miss him, anyway,” Steve tried to steer the conversation in a more upbeat direction. “How’d you figure out about my little crush.” Sam rolled his eyes. 

“Little? You two have been up each other’s asses since the day I met you.” The two laughed. “And it definitely had nothing to do with the fact that you were making out with some guy who looked exactly like him last night.” Steve laughed, embarrassed at being caught. “It was scary, for a minute I even thought Bucky had gone to New Jersey instead and was just too ashamed to tell us.” Now both of them were laughing even harder. Steve had thought the same thing at first, when the guy approached him, Sebastian he said his name was, Steve was convinced it was some weird prank Bucky was playing on him. But as the two got to talking Steve realized that this was not Bucky but instead someone who just shared his face. They were both undeniably attractive but while Bucky would mercilessly flirt back with Steve this guy got shy any time Steve complimented him. 

“I can assure you, that guy was most definitely not Bucky.” The two laughed some more until they finally calm down. “So, did you actually get an email or was that just part of your plan to get me to talk about my feelings?” 

“Oh no I actually got an email a few days ago. He wanted to know how everyone was doing, especially you,” Sam said pointedly. “He told me he made some friends on his trip and he’s really excited to introduce them to everyone if he’ll be welcomed back— Which I of course told him he was— and he apologized for not emailing you but he needs some time to, and I quote, “think about things” end quote.” Steve looked at his lap confused. He was happy that Bucky was fine making friends and didn’t hate Steve, but he really wanted him to hurry up and figure things out so the two of them could talk. Especially now when he knows Bucky might be interested in him too. 

These thoughts are what spurred the next two months of emotional turmoil for Steve and consequently his friends. Since Sam’s method of talking about their feelings didn’t seem to help, especially as the semester ended and Bucky still hadn’t sent word to Steve, Tony took the situation into his own hands and offered up his summer home. And so far it’s been working. Steve has been relaxing all summer long (when he wasn’t at practice that is) and it even took his mind off Bucky for some time. Now it’s July summer will end soon and Bucky will be back and that’s the thought that keeps him moving forward. 

He puts on the clothes Tony laid out for him once he leaves the shower. It’s a nice deep blue button down shirt with jeans. It’s a little more casual than Steve had originally thought but he’s not going to complain. Maybe Tony took his begging for a small party to heart. But then Steve hears the bass shaking the house and realizes no, it won’t be a small party with just close friends. He sighs and gets dressed, purposely taking a long time so he won’t have to join the party so soon. 

He would like to see his friends though, so he heads downstairs and is greeted with a giant dancefloor and faces he kinda recognizes. For a Stark party this isn’t too bad, there are more people than Steve would like but it’s not as much as he thought it would be, this would be fine. He looks around for Sam or Peggy, just someone he knows. He quickly finds them by the present table, it was surprisingly piled high with gifts. Sam was wearing a deep red button down shirt like Steve, while Peggy was wearing a sheer black turtleneck with pinstripe slacks. 

“There’s the birthday boy!” Sam bellows into the house with a huge grin. Steve rolls his eyes and smiles in return. “Hey man,” the two hug then Steve turns to Peggy and gives her a hug as well. Steve is grateful to still have her in his life. 

“Happy birthday,” She kisses his cheek and smiles. “You’re looking better than ever, you know I have a friend I could intro—” 

“No thanks, Peggy. I don’t think I’m ready yet. I mean it’s fine if you already moved on— have you?” Peggy laughs but doesn’t answer the question, instead she heads into the throngs of people with a wink. Oh. Well that seems like an interesting development. He turns to Sam with a raised eyebrow and Sam looks at him the same. The two grin and go to the bar for a drink. Steve looks around the room, he could handle this, the party might actually be fun. 

“So, how you doing? Peggy’s right, you really do look better.” 

“Thanks, I don’t know how to explain it, but I feel calmer knowing that he will come back.” 

“That’s good—” 

“Although it is weird,” Steve interrupts. “He still hasn’t messaged me and it’s been like four months. I don’t know what this means, because I see him posting on insta and stuff and he’s back— he’s texted Peggy apparently, probably even texted you— but I still haven’t heard from him. Isn’t that weird.” Steve asks casually. Sam stares at him incredulously. How could he still be hung up on this? He gets it to an extent, Steve tends to jump to the worst conclusion, and he definitely isn’t the most patient guy. 

“If it makes you feel any better he only ever asks about how you’re doing,” Steve blushes and thinks about it for a bit. 

“...Yea, it does kinda make it a little bit better.” He says sheepishly, Sam rolls his eyes and nudges his friend. 

“So… we gonna see some of those famous Rogers dance moves tonight, or are those strictly for Bucky’s eyes only.” Sam waggles his eyebrows and Steve pushes him with a laugh. 

“Nah, don’t think I’ll be lettin’ loose like— … Sam where’s Peggy.” Steve suddenly turns very serious, worrying Sam. 

“I don’t know, man, she went to go dancing but I don’t really see her— Is this something I should worry about?” Sam looks to where Steve is staring but doesn’t really see anything surprising. It’s just a couple of people talking next to one of Stark’s priceless vases. 

“I-it’s just… Lorraine’s here. And I know Peggy didn’t like her much— I don’t know why she’s here,” he says confused and desperate. “Oh god I think she saw me. What do I do Sam? I don’t wanna be rude, but I really don’t wanna talk to her— Oh god she’s on her way over here.” 

Sam looks and sees a lithe blonde woman strutting towards him and Steve. She’s wearing a white sheath dress that gave her Marilyn Monroe vibes. His friend is panicking a bit and Sam can see why. Steve has always been intimidated by women apparently, before no one would give him a second glance, but now it’s just too much attention for the poor guy. He’s also too nice for his own good, if Sam was Steve he would’ve made it clear to whoever this chick was that he wasn’t interested. But sadly, Steve lacks Sam’s people skills and is now being cornered by a stunningly attractive woman. 

“Happy birthday, Stevie.” She purrs and gets a little too close for comfort. Steve blushes and tries to gently push her away. She takes his hands from her shoulders and wraps them around her waist. “I heard you’ve been real heartbroken since Peggy dumped you.” She pouts and coyly snakes her hands around his neck and pulls him closer to her. “I’m sure you’ve been awfully lonely,” She licks her pink-stained lips and whispers into his ear. “I could help with that.” Steve breaks away and creates some distance between them, distance that she’s trying to shorten. 

“Lorraine, I can’t.” 

“Why not?” she pouts and tries again to kiss Steve. He pushes her away again and looks to Sam for help, he offers him nothing but a shrug and a sorry look. Steve begins to panic with no foreseeable way out of this situation. He says the first thing that pops into his head. 

“I have a boyfriend.” 

It seems like everything stops for a minute. Sam is staring at him now, wide-eyed. Lorraine is going through many different emotions, from confused to furious. Steve knows he shouldn’t have said it but what harm is it to anyone?

“You’re gay?!” Lorraine accuses. 

“Well bi, actually—” 

“Who the fuck are you dating?” 

“Um…” Steve looks at Sam who is shaking his head aggressively with a look that says no, don’t do this. But really what choice does Steve have. Tell the truth? He’s in too deep now. And again, it’s not like he’s hurting anyone. “...Bucky”

“Who the hell is Bucky?” Lorraine seems even more pissed now, which is the opposite of what Steve wants. He flinches at her harsh tone. 

“He was in our art class, sat next to me and—” 

“You mean James! You’re dating fucking James?! The guy who kissed your girlfriend?!” 

“...Yes?” Steve answers meekly, he really just wants her to go away. He has no idea why she’s here. She rolls her eyes and huffs. 

“You’re fucking disgusting, I would never date a guy who was into someone their girlfriend cheated with.” 

“I’m sorry…?” 

“You should be.” And with that she stormed out of the house and Steve could finally breathe properly again. Steve sends Sam a meek smile, but he’s only frowning deeply at him. Tony makes his way over after hearing the commotion from Lorraine’s shrill screams. 

“Whoa there, I can’t believe you’re actually picking fights on your birthday— honestly Steve, can’t you at least be a good boy for America today?” Steve rolls his eyes and shakes off Tony’s arm from his shoulders. 

“Why did you invite Lorraine?” Steve gets ready to chew Tony out. 

“Who?” 

“Lorraine, she’s this short, skinny blonde chick. She was in my art class last semester, she terrifies me, why did you invite her?” Tony thinks for a minute trying to figure out which blonde had a class with Steve. 

“I’m sorry, pal. I don’t know who you’re talking about. I definitely didn’t invite her then, maybe she just crashed.” Steve still isn’t satisfied with that conclusion, convinced that Tony must’ve invited her or at least told her about the party, but then Peggy comes rushing towards them. The angry expression on her face sends Steve back to when they were dating. 

“Steven!” She stands intimidatingly with her hands on her hips. 

“What?” He questions irritated by being constantly yelled at. 

“You didn’t think to tell me you’re dating James?” He blushes and Sam facepalms in the background. He’s given up on trying to help Steve, the man is a beacon for trouble. 

“Oh, good job on getting Barnes,” Tony slaps Steve on the back. “Now we can have a double date!” 

“Seriously, Steve, you could’ve told me. I would’ve stopped sending girls your way if I had known—” 

“I’m thinking we go out whenever lover boy comes back to town. We can go to that new hibachi place that just opened up…”

“How long has this been going on— am I the last to know?”

“Stop!” Steve shouts, he feels like his head is spinning and he’s barely had anything to drink. “First of all, Peggy, I just told Lorraine— Wait how did you hear about this?”

“Who do you think invited her?” She says it like it’s obvious. “I thought you two would hit it off, since you always seemed so interested in her.” Steve ran his hands through his hair in frustration. 

“I didn’t like her! I never liked her!” Steve’s yelling only seemed to spur on Peggy’s initial irritation. 

“You two were always flirting in class!” She accuses.

“Oh my god,” Steve says exasperated. “We’re not even dating anymore and you keep bringing this up. I. Didn’t. Know.” Steve sighs. “I’m sorry, this isn’t the place to discuss our past issues.” Peggy accepts his apology with a small nod. It’s awkward for a moment before Sam speaks. 

“Wait, wait. So is no one gonna bring up the fact that Tony Stark is apparently _dating_ someone?!” Now everyone turned to the homeowner with a questioning look. Tony looks smug, finally being the center of attention again. 

“I am dating— didn’t I tell you this? No? Oh well. I’m dating the best girl in school— I’m serious. She’s so smart, and sweet and put together, I’m lucky to have her— Oh here she is.” Tony sticks out his arm to a stunningly tall woman with strawberry blonde hair that’s done up in an intricate braid. He wraps his arm around her waist. “Pepper, these are my friends. Friends, Pepper.” She smiles politely at them and shakes their hands as they introduce themselves. The way she carries herself so professionally and confident makes Steve feel bad for all the yelling earlier as if this was some sort of fancy gala instead of a Fourth of July party. 

“Happy birthday, Steve.” She says kindly. “I think it’s about time for cake, right Tony?” She gives Tony a look that says that she wasn’t asking. Tony nods and claps his hands and opens his arms like a magician preparing for his next trick. 

“Party time, boys.” He says to no one specifically. A giant three tiered cake is rolled in by one of Tony’s robots. The cake is ornate and garrish with an overly patriotic theme and sparklers doubling as candles. Steve sends a silent prayer that a stripper isn’t going to pop out. But the cake is finally in front of him and no stripper has yet to pop out. 

“Happy birthday to the golden-boy himself, Steve Rogers!” The guests clap and cheer. Tony leads them in singing happy birthday while Steve stands there awkwardly. Sam gives him a side hug and teases him throughout the song. Steve blows out the candles, the crowd cheers and Tony picks up one of the still lit sparklers. “Now onto the light show.” He leads the crowd outside to where the fireworks have been set up. He offers Steve the honor of lighting the first one but he gratefully declines. The crowd cheers as the first rocket explodes. Steve cheers with Peggy, Sam, Tony and his new girlfriend as the rockets all launch one by one joining the others in the sky. Happy birthday to him indeed. 

They sit and enjoy the fireworks show for a while. One of those giant multiple rockets fireworks explodes when Steve gets a text. He drops his phone when he sees who it’s from. 

**Bucky**

He feels like he can’t breathe. Oh god, it’s finally happening. He doesn’t notice but his face has broken out into a painful grin. Tears forming in his eyes, he’s so excited. He collects himself and opens the message. 

_(image attached)_  
**Hey punk, I saw these flowers and thought of you. Happy birthday! Don’t do anything stupid ‘til I get back ;)**

Steve doesn’t hesitate he quickly types back a reply. He thanks Bucky for his birthday wish and explains how excited he is for Bucky to come back and that he can’t wait to see him again. He apologizes for punching him on New Years. He hopes that Bucky doesn’t find his long emotional message annoying. He looks at the image and sees a beautiful bouquet with a sunset backdrop. He recognizes the white chrysanthemum’s but he doesn’t know what the other kind of flower is. 

“Oh those are pretty,” Peggy states looking over his shoulder. Pepper joins her spying on the other side.

“Wow, they’re quite pretty. The bright gladioli really compliment the white chrysanthemums.” 

“Gladioli?” Steve questions. 

“Yes, those pink and purple flowers,” Pepper points at his screen. “They mean strength and integrity.” 

“Ohhh, we talking flowers?” Tony now butts into the conversation. He looks at Steve’s screen and looks stunned briefly. “Who sent you those?” He asks seriously. 

“Bucky, he said they remind him of me,” he looks to Sam and grins. He finally texted him. Sam smiles back, he’s happy for his friend. 

“Wow, you two make me wanna vomit.”

“Tony!” Pepper admonishes. 

“I just mean, they're too cute. Why can't they be like a normal couple with a simple "Happy New Years, wish you were here" text. They need to go overboard with super romantic flowers and sappy messages. When Bucky comes back you need to hop on that dick, Steven. I don't know how much of this pining I can take.” Tony pointedly looks at a now blushing Steve. Maybe last year he would have found this hard to believe but now… maybe. “C’mon,” Tony nudges Steve towards the detached studio. “Let’s go gossip about Steve’s new boyfriend.” This is the part where Steve should clarify that Bucky isn't his man but instead Steve rolls his eyes. He’s too happy to correct them and the group heads to the common room in the studio. It essentially could have worked as a second apartment attached to the house. 

“You know he was supposed to come tonight,” Tony says. Steve suddenly looks up from his slice of cake. What. “Yea, we came up with this plan over winter break— it started as a joke. So like I was planning your birthday party and I told him I wanted to have a stripper pop out of a cake dressed like Uncle Sam. And then he was like “We should totally have Sam pop out of the cake,” but we all know old Sammy would say no—” At that Sam gives an agreeing nod. “So then I said, to save money I should just ask someone to pop out of the cake, and he suggested himself— like I didn’t even prompt him he just wanted to do it, said it would be hilarious and he would happily strip and be paid in food. But then, ya know…” Tony looks pointedly at Steve. 

That’s disappointing. To know that Bucky had made plans to come but had to cancel them because of their now shaky relationship. But maybe he’ll still come, summer’s not over yet. He doesn’t have to pop out of a cake but even just knocking on his door will have the same effect. More people come to spread the party to the pool house, Steve recognizes a few of them, there’s Peter Quill, second captain on his hockey team and Maria Hill, an econ major who has apparently been spending a lot of time with Sam lately. He should ask him about that later. 

It’s been a few hours now the real party has started and Bucky still hasn’t messaged Steve back. That’s okay, that’s fine, maybe he’s asleep. Steve waited this long he can wait till morning. The fifth time Steve looks at his phone Sam takes it from him. “Stop moping about your boyfriend, have some fun.” Steve whines and makes grabby hands at Sam. “No,” he declares. “You’ll get this back at the end of the night. Now sit quietly, Peter is telling a story.” 

“Thank you, Sam.” Said man says gratefully. “So I was at the extracurricular expo-thing and there at the study abroad table was this gorgeous woman right here,” he issues to the dark skinned woman on his right. She rolls her eyes at him but still smiles softly. “And I don’t know what she’s saying but I just know I wanted her in my life, but she wouldn’t fall for any of my moves—” 

“It’s surprising that any woman with a brain would fall for them,” she adds. 

“Anyway,” he continues. “So I’m thinking, how am I ever gonna see her again, so I sign whatever paper she hands to me and three weeks later I get an email about some study abroad informative meeting— and at first I’m like “What the fuck is this shit” but then I remember and I go anyway,” at this Sam laughs at his friend’s desperation. “Right,” Peter chuckles, “so I go, and I see her, she’s part of the Russia presentation—” 

“And that’s where you go, “Sure, let’s go to Russia” rationally.” Tony adds. Peter laughs and agrees. 

“And so I wasn’t here for our hockey season, and that’s why Steve is Captain and not me.” Steve scoffs at that. 

“Yea right, I’m Captain because I’m ten times better than you and I don’t come to practice hungover. So…” But then the gears start turning in Steve’s head and Sam gives Steve a look that says “don’t do it, man” but when has Steve ever listened to Sam’s voice in his head. “You went on the Russia trip? To Saint Petersburg?” Sam groans. 

“Yea, it was actually kinda fun. I think I—” 

“Of course— yea, fun. So do you know James Barnes?” Sam slaps his arm for his eagerness. “Ow.” 

“...Um, yea…we were kinda small group so we knew everyone.” Peter looks between the two, confused by what’s going on. “He seemed like a pretty cool guy, we didn’t talk much but he was fun to hang out with—” 

“Not to mention, his boyfriend’s cute.” Gamora, Steve remembers, pipes in. 

“What? Boyfriend?” Sam asks while Steve goes into shock. 

"Isn't he dating Steve?" Peggy adds. 

"No? I mean the guy looks a little like Steve, but it's definitely not him." Peter replies. Everyone in the room looks at Steve, except for Sam who knows the truth and Gamora who doesn't understand or care that much. 

“Yea, this guy's like a senior now or something. He’s hilarious, the two are cute together—” Gamora supplies. 

“Are you sure they’re not just friends.” Sam is confused. Bucky never mentioned a boyfriend maybe Peter and Gamora were just looking too deep into things. The couple look at each other. 

“They must be very good friends then,” Peter states. 

“I’m pretty sure you don’t make out with your friend in public.” Gamora finishes. Sam quickly tries to gage Steve’s reaction. He doesn’t have time to though before he’s running out to the main house and up into his room. Poor Steve. Peter looks at Sam apologetic, not sure what he did to upset his captain. Everyone else shot looks of pity as Steve ran out they must've thought Steve was distraught because his "boyfriend" cheated on him in Russia. The next day Steve will lounge near the pool again, soaking up the sun, pretending to feel his new worries and anxieties drifting away. He’ll feel like a cat again, and it’ll be fine. But for now he’ll lock himself in his room and cry himself to sleep. 

Meanwhile in Indiana Bucky has made his way out of the maze and was too busy chewing out his sister for making him go into a scary maze at night just so he could acknowledge his feelings. He doesn’t notice the bird diving towards him. It surprises him and he drops his phone, while Becca drops her drink. 

“Ah, fuck.” Bucky says dejectedly as he picks up his dead phone. It’s fine, he'll get a new one. Hopefully Steve will text him first thing tomorrow, so he won’t lose his number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be posted Jan. 15


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It rains on the first day of the fall semester. Steve finds it awfully foreboding for the coming year. He hasn’t tried to text Bucky again, he’s decided that the two need to talk in person, especially if Bucky isn’t even going to try to reach out again to him after he poured out all his emotions and doubts in a text. Even more so if he’s got a boyfriend now, Steve would hate to step on anyone’s toes.

It rains on the first day of the fall semester. Steve finds it awfully foreboding for the coming year. He hasn’t tried to text Bucky again, he’s decided that the two need to talk in person, especially if Bucky isn’t even going to try to reach out again to him after he poured out all his emotions and doubts in a text. Even more so if he’s got a boyfriend now, Steve would hate to step on anyone’s toes. 

Steve spent his break lounging about Tony’s summer home, emotions ranging from anger at Bucky for not replying to him, to heartbreak from the news of Bucky’s new beau. Eventually ending with nonchalance towards the entire situation. Sam would describe it more as, “losing one's mind” but Steve prefers nonchalance. He plans to take whatever Bucky will throw at him in stride. 

He has become less excited for the return to school and normalcy, but instead more anxious. He doesn’t know what to expect. He’s not entirely sure if him and Bucky are still friends. Not to mention the fact that he “forgot” to correct everyone in assuming that him and Bucky were a thing. With the gloom of rain and bad weather above him Steve falls deeper into his rabbit hole of anxiety. He keeps looking around trying to spot Bucky in the faces that pass him. 

“Stop worrying man,” Sam says with a hand on his shoulder. “Look even if you don’t happen to run into him you’re still bound to see him, he’s still our friend.” 

“You sure?” Sam gives him a weak smile. 

“Yea man,” he says softly. “He’s probably just as hyped to see you. It’ll be like a couple of dogs at a park, jumpin’ around, slobberin’ all over each other.” Sam teases and Steve shoves him playfully. Sam’s kinda taken the place as Steve’s right hand man over the summer. Their relationship is not the same as his with Bucky’s but it’s still just as close. 

“We talkin’ about Rogers and Barnes?” Tony comes up from behind them and throws his arms around both of them. 

“Hi Tony,” the two greet simultaneously. 

“So, we talking about Barnes? ‘Cause I gotta say, his “boyfriend” is cute but he’s no Steve Rogers— I think you might have a fighting chance—”

“Tony what the hell are you going on about?” Sam asks annoyed with their friends rambling. Tony sighs dramatically. 

“I saw Steve’s sweetheart hanging out with his new beau and I think Steve might have a chance at getting Bucky back.” Tony repeats meticulously like he’s talking to children. Sam and Steve share a look of surprise and uncertainty. Tony and the others came to their own conclusion that Bucky and Steve are on a break. Now apparently Tony wants to get the two of them back together. 

“Tony…when did you see Bucky?” Tony sits down and steals Steve’s coffee.

“Just now, out by the main gym—” Steve rushes out of the Student Union and sprints to the gym. Sam gives Tony a doubtful look and sits down across from him. 

“You really think he has a chance?” Tony shrugs and puts down the stolen coffee. 

“I would date Steve— ya know, if I didn’t have Pepper....and Rhodey” He replies as if it’s some kind of answer. “What is this, it’s disgusting.” He gets up and throws out the drink. Sam raises his eyebrow but doesn’t say anything. 

Steve realizes too late he probably should’ve let Tony finish talking. Once he gets to the gym he’s now lost as for what to do. He doesn’t see Bucky, he would probably be inside, but Steve has no idea where. He plans to wait by the doors like a stalker and tries to not-so-casually peep into all the workout rooms, hoping to find his friend in one of them. This would be easier if Bucky ever went to the gym with Steve, but no, the man claimed it was “too early to work out” and he would just feel inferior next to Steve. But now suddenly with a new boyfriend he’s hanging ou—

No, nope, Steve doesn’t care, he’s fine, this is fine. 

He says this to himself as he continues to try and casually bump into his friend. What would he say when he sees Bucky? Should he play it cool, like, _Oh hey Bucky, I didn’t see you there. How ya been? I’m just here working out… ‘cause that’s a thing I do… work out_. Dammit this is stupid. He should just call him like a normal human being, instead of essentially stalking him and hoping to see— Oh there he is. 

Bucky walks out of one of the aerobics rooms laughing, sweaty and swinging his bag behind his shoulder. He’s having a conversation with a red-head who exits the room behind him. The two lean against the wall and continue to talk. They seem so happy it sends a pang of longing into Steve’s heart. Bucky is grinning and Steve forgets to breathe momentarily when he throws his head back in laughter and catches Steve’s eye. It seems like everything pauses for a moment and it’s just the two of them. Steve smiles and hesitantly waves his hand. Bucky’s grin falls and shifts into a scowl. He puts his arm around the petite red-head’s shoulder and the two turn away from Steve and leave down the hallway. 

Steve puts his hand down quickly, and flushes from the embarrassment. He leaves the gym and heads back to the student union. He’d expected some sort of genial greeting, not the fucking cold shoulder. Bucky has no right to be mad at him, he’s the one who ignored Steve’s apology and basically embarrassed him by not replying to his emotional message. If anything Steve’s the one who should be mad. He explains as much to Sam and Tony when he gets back to the student union. 

“Ya know what,” Steve tears a piece of the muffin Sam is eating. “Next time I see that fucking prick I’m gonna give him a piece of my mind— No, I’m not even gonna talk to him at all.” He pops the blueberry crumb in his mouth. “If he doesn’t wanna be rational about this then who am I to stop him,” this time he picks up the entire muffin, ignorant of Sam’s protests. “He’s being an asshole,” he takes a bite, “I’ve done nothing to warrant this reaction. I don’t care if I never see him and his stupid pretty face again.” He says indignantly and takes an even bigger bite. “Fuck him.” 

“We know you want to—” Steve shoots Tony a death glare. “But,” Tony placates, “aren’t you being a little over dramatic about this?” 

“No! I’m being rationally angry!” He raves. Tony puts up his hands in surrender. 

“Whatever you say, boss man. But don’t take it out on poor Sam’s innocent muffin.” He issues to said friend who is now pouting exaggeratedly at Steve. He looks down and finally notes the mess of crumbs. He gives Sam a sheepish apology and he huffs in response, feigning contempt. Sam looks away from the blonde with his arms crossed. Steve puts on his best puppy eyes and tries to weasel his way into Sam’s line of sight. 

“Sammy,” he coos. “I’m sorry for destroying your muffin. Please look at me.” he cajoles, Sam just turns around, knowing that if he even glances at Steve he won’t be able to keep up this act. “Aw, Sammy, don’t be like that.” He reaches out for Sam’s arm but said man moves away trying not to laugh. Steve sighs and sits back. “If I buy you another muffin will you stop?” Sam still doesn’t look at him and instead turns to Tony and whispers something in his ear. Now Tony moves to sit across the table on Sam’s side with his own arms crossed. 

“Make it two muffins, Jack.” Steve sighs defeatedly and gets up to buy the treats. Sam finally turns around and raises an eyebrow at Tony. 

“Jack?” He questions. Tony shrugs. 

“Lit reference.” 

“I thought you studied engineering?” Sam asked.

“So, doesn’t mean I can’t pick up a book.” Sam pauses for a moment and concedes. Tony graciously dips his head. They sit with their arms crossed looking displeased until their friend comes back with two blueberry muffins. They each reach out and take one while Steve looks on unimpressed. 

“Have I appeased your royal Highnesses yet?” They look at each other and think for a moment before sighing. 

“We suppose this will do.” Steve rolls his eyes as the two dive into their sweets. They sit around and talk for awhile about their classes. Sam has a lecture at five so he excuses himself. “We’ll see you tonight though, right?” Tony calls after him, Sam responds with a thumbs up. A local bar, Howlies, is having a special for the first week of classes. 

“I see the hostage situation went well.” Peggy slides into the open seat next to Tony and issues towards the empty muffin wrappers. Steve and Tony greet their friend pleasantly. 

“Technically it wasn’t a hostage situation,” Tony clarifies, “there were no hostages.” 

“You wouldn’t forgive me unless I met your demands.” Steve adds. 

“Yes but no hostage.” 

“You were holding my forgiveness hostage.” Tony pauses momentarily. 

“Okay, I see your point.” 

“Glad to see you two are getting along,” Peggy comments. “Anyway, James told me he saw you today, but that’s all he would say—” Steve lets out a bitter guffaw. Tony facepalms and Peggy has no idea what she just unleashed. 

“That fucking asshole. Yea I saw him today, I even waved at him— ‘cause I’m a nice person I greet people kindly. People who others would probably hate since they, oh I don’t know, kissed their best friend’s girlfriend and doomed their relationship—” Peggy moves to interrupt but Tony shakes his head to stop her. “But no, I say hi, I smile. And what does he do— That fucking asshole glares at me and walks away. Like I’m the villain here! What did I do wrong?! Nothing, absolutely nothing, he’s just being an overdramatic little bitch. Fuckin’ asshole.” Steve finally ends his tirade and sits back in his chair, still fuming a bit. Peggy looks to Tony for an explanation, he rolls his eyes and sighs. 

“Steve here saw Bucky today at the gym but Bucky wouldn’t give our poor boy the time of day. So now our sweet Mr. Rogers is a short fuse— one second away from blowing at all times.” Steve shoots Tony a nasty look. “See!” Tony says exasperated. Peggy looks at the two with pity. 

“Steve, I’m sorry that happened to you, but please try and talk with James, you two would have been such a cute couple. Don’t throw it all away because of miscommunication. Besides, I’ve decided to introduce you all to my girlfriend tonight so, don’t make me regret it.” She threatens fiercely and walks away with a kiss goodbye for each. Tony whistles impressively as she struts away. 

“Remind me again why you two dated.” 

“I like strong women.” 

“And men, apparently.” 

“I don’t really have a preference with men.” 

“So,” Tony leans forward and clears his throat. “Would you have dated me?” Steve raises his eyebrow and gives Tony a salacious grin. 

“You tryin’ to start something, Stark? Here I am thinking you’re happy with Pepper—” 

“I am! I’m just wondering if, ya know, you ever found me attractive?” Tony’s shy demeanor fades completely as he winks exaggeratedly at Steve. The blonde rolls his eyes. 

“I guess, you’re an attractive guy and I probably would’ve liked you, but then you started talking…”

“Alright, alright. Laugh it up big guy. I’ll have you know that plenty of people find my ramblings adorable.” 

“Pepper doesn’t count.” 

“No, not just Pepper.” Tony is blushing again. _Oh, Steve thinks, this is new_. “No.” Tony starts after seeing the questioning look on his friend’s face. “I’m not allowed to talk about that yet.” Steve pouts but Tony persists. Eventually Steve drops the subject and the two move on to talk about other things not related to their partners or crushes. Instead of going their separate ways Tony follows Steve to his new apartment and helps the blonde get ready for the night. Steve may be a walking greek statue, minus the minute genitalia, but the man has no fashion sense whatsoever. They finally settle on a too-tight deep maroon long sleeve shirt and a pair of jeans that make his ass look “like it deserves its own orbit,” Steve could honestly care less. 

The place is full but not packed considering it’s a school night and some people actually sleep. Sam shows up complaining about how his professor plans to have a quiz every day and is in desperate need of a drink. Soon others join them. Sam, after a few shots, works up the courage to ask Maria to dance and she surprisingly says yes. Peggy’s girlfriend hasn’t arrived yet so she’s spending quality time with Steve while Pepper and Rhodey disappear with an out of control Tony. Steve’s actually having a good time, he’s got his friends, Peggy’s telling him about how her brother got his head stuck in the bannister one time. It’s all good, until…

“Hey Peggs,” 

Bucky showed up. 

He greets his friend with a polite kiss on the cheek and a grin but when he turns to Steve his face falls flat. “Steven.” He acknowledges. 

“James.” He replies, just as petty. “Didn’t think you two would still be friends?” He issues towards the two brunettes. 

“Yes, because unlike you, Peggy is an adult and has the capacity and maturity to move on.” Bucky wraps his arm around said woman’s shoulder. Peggy looks uncomfortably between the two, hoping for someone else to come in and ease the tension. 

“Oh, I’m the immature one?” Steve asks incredulously. “I think fucking off for months on end without a call or text is pretty childish.” Steve gets up as he gets progressively angrier. Bucky takes his arm away from Peggy and steps towards Steve. 

“I told you I needed space.” 

“And I fucking gave it to you.” 

The two are a breath apart. Sizing each other up, Bucky is the first to take note of their proximity. His gaze drops down to the blonde’s mouth and quickly shoots back up with a cocky smirk. 

“You gonna punch me, Rogers?” He challenges heatedly. Steve curls his fist and offers back his own cocky expression. 

“Yea, I think I might, Barnes.” There’s no movement of any kind for a moment. It feels as if the bar itself has gone silent in anticipation of the exchange. The two stare into each other’s eyes, daring the other to make the first move, it feels like eternity yet to the rest of the bar it’s only been a few seconds. A loud clearing of the throat is what breaks the tension and separates the two. They turn to look at their mutual friend who now has a stunning blonde woman hanging off her shoulder. Peggy shoots them both an icy glare. 

“Oh, please don’t stop on my account. This was just getting interestin’.” She winks at the two and Peggy rolls her eyes adoringly. 

“Boys, this is my girlfriend, Angela—” 

“You can call me Angie, but you,” she turns to her girlfriend. “Can call me anytime.” Peggy blushes and Angie kisses her sweetly on the cheek. The two introduce themselves in kind and move to sit in the booth across from each other. The four easily fall into conversation, mainly about Peggy and Angie, everytime Bucky and Steve meet eyes a staring contest commences. Tony comes back to them with Pepper and Rhodey in tow, looking less drunk. 

“Hey! Buck me, it’s Fucky Barnes— er switch that, well you don’t have to switch that. You’re a good looking man, Jimbo, I know a few people who would love to tap that.” Tony tries to wink but ends up blinking instead. Bucky laughs and greets him with a hug. 

“Hey Tony, I know who this is. Hello James.” He greets Rhodey cheekily. “But I gotta admit I’ve never seen your other friend before.” Pepper smiles kindly but before she can introduce herself Tony has already taken on that task. 

“This is my girlfriend Pepper— she’s amazing, best woman ever. Shhhh” he whispers loudly, “Don’t tell her, but she’s completely out of my league.” Tony puts a drunken finger to his mouth and Bucky humors him by repeating the gesture. “And this,” he pats Rhodey, “is my boyfriend. I’m just so loveable these two agreed to share me. And it’s great! I’m so happy— so loved.” Tony coos and stumbles into his boyfriend’s arms. Everyone smiles softly at their friend’s happiness. Bucky extends a hand and a charming smile to Pepper and she takes it blushing slightly under her well-put demeanor. 

“Hey!” Tony stands up straight, all attention on him again. “I just had a brilliant idea! You, Steve and your new boy-toy should enter a poly relationship too! That way Steve can stop moping about you moving on!” 

For the first time all day Bucky looks at Steve. And Steve doesn’t have the strength to meet his eye. Bucky’s fury morphs into coolness as he recognizes he won’t get any answers out of Steve. He laughs to play it all off as a joke. 

“Nah.” He says. “Steve barely pays attention to me now as a friend, he’d be a horrible boyfriend.” This get’s Steve to look up. Pepper and Rhodey look at each other awkwardly and Peggy quietly plots the murders of two of her friends. 

“I’m a great boyfriend! Ask Peggy!” Peggy shoots Steve a glare but he doesn’t notice. 

“You two were arguing all the time!” 

“Not to mention you had feelings for someone else.” Peggy adds on. Steve switches focus to Peggy now. 

“Ha! Even she agrees with me!” Bucky says triumphantly. 

“Is this about Lorraine?! Again?!” Steve is tired of having this conversation over and over again. He never liked Lorraine. Why doesn’t she believe him? 

“No this is about James.” Rhodey looks up briefly but realizes they’re not talking about him. “You had feelings for Bucky while we were dating.” Steve stares gobsmacked at how she could’ve possibly known. Was he obvious about his affections? Is that why Bucky stopped talking to him? Was that the reason why Peggy broke up with him? Did she kiss Bucky to get revenge? 

Even Bucky looks shocked by the news. Him and Steve make eye contact briefly. The animosity gone and replaced with a hint of hope and dominated by confusion. Bucky quirks an eyebrow and it was like they were friends again. 

“You had feelings for me Rogers?” Steve blushes and Bucky grins at this new dynamic. Everyone else just looks utterly confused. Tony, as always, says what everyone's thinking. 

“You two dated…” 

“Yea, I’ve been hearing that a lot lately.” Bucky says calmly and turns to Steve. “You wanna tell me why?” Steve is now backed into a corner with everyone and Bucky looking at him, waiting for an explanation. 

“Well…um. So basically Lorraine was bugging me at this party. And you know how I am with women—” Bucky had no change in expression, continuing to study Steve impassively. “Right. So I couldn’t just tell her that I didn’t like her— ya know, _like that_ , so I panicked and said I was seeing someone—” 

“Me.” 

“Right…you.” Steve flushed under Bucky’s intense stare. He couldn’t get a read on the guy, weather he was mad or annoyed or amused. 

“Wait so you two never really dated?” Peggy asks. Steve shakes his head no. “This entire time we thought you were mad because Bucky got a new boyfriend!” Steve let his head down in shame. 

“How _do_ you guys know about my romantic history, by the way?” Bucky asks. 

“Peter told us. At the same party Steve said you two were together, he told us about how he saw you and a guy together.” Bucky nods and thinks about it for a moment then bursts out laughing. He turns to Steve. 

“Wait! So even in our fake-relationship we only lasted less than a day! Man you must really be a horrible boyfriend, then.” Bucky’s laughter spread to the entire table. Steve will later admit that this was indeed, a little funny, but right now Steve feels incredibly defensive and agitated. Everyone starts to calm down and ease back into their own conversations. 

Sam comes back to the now larger table after hearing the commotion. He gives Bucky a hug in greeting and it seems like everything is back to normal for everyone except Steve. He’s simmering slowly in the background watching all his friends interact and act like everything is fine when Bucky won’t even be civil with him. Their staring contest, which Steve was about to win, gets interrupted by Bucky’s phone. “Looks like I gotta go,” he says sheepishly to the rest of the table. “My friends are waitin’ for me outside, I hope we’re all cool now, and can maybe do this again?” He asks hesitantly. There’s a murmur of agreement around the booth. Everyone gets up to say their goodbyes. 

“We’re all good Jimmothy, just as long as you don’t kiss my girlfriend.” Tony jokes. 

“Or mine.” Peggy joins in. Bucky laughs with them. Steve laughs bitterly. 

“Yea, as long as Bucky doesn’t ruin anymore relationships it’ll be all fine and dandy.” He spits with false cheer. Sam and Peggy give Steve matching looks of “please don’t” but he ignores them. How dare they laugh and carry on as if everything’s fine. It’s not fine; because of Bucky Peggy broke up with him. Because of Bucky he’s been depressed all year. Because of Bucky Steve can’t even enjoy a nice night out with his friends. 

“What’s your problem, Rogers.” Bucky shoves him. 

“You’re my fucking problem, Barnes.” A crowd starts to form as they notice the tension in the altercation. Steve shoves Bucky back so hard he crashes into another table and spills a few drinks on himself. Steve immediately regrets it, but he can’t take it back, not when Bucky is coming at him fist flying. He socks him in the face and ends up bruising Steve’s cheek while sending him back into the booth. It stings and the side of his face is starting to feel numb. Bucky is standing over him breathing heavily and staring at him darkly. 

“Stay the fuck away from me, Rogers.” He warns before paying for the damages and leaving the bar. Everyone turns to look at Steve, too proud to feel sheepish for his actions. The next few weeks he does indeed stay the fuck away from Bucky, he discovers this is actually an easy task since their school is quite large and their friends fear another fight breaking out. He does see Bucky though, once. They have a class at the same time in the same building and would probably end up bumping into each other but Steve goes out of his way to leave a little later or earlier in order not to see Bucky. 

Today he has no such luck. 

Today he leaves his art history class early and heads to the vending machine in the hallway. He typically doesn’t get snack but he has extra change today so he wants to treat himself. He thought he was safe and that Bucky would exit the building through the other door on the opposite side. He was wrong. 

He’s met with the familiar backside of his former friend. As soon as Steve recognizes Bucky he decides he should definitely get out of there before he turns around. But as all great tragedies of history Steve becomes distracted when Bucky bends down to get his bag of chips. He has such a fine ass Steve wants to cry, and it always looks good but the way those jeans hug his thighs makes Steve want to go on his knees and beg for Bucky to choke him. Bucky stands up straight again but doesn’t turn around. Steve thinks he’s safe for now and that he should get out of here before his luck runs out— oh and he’s bending down again, he can stay for a minute. Suddenly he’s staring at the front of Bucky’s jeans, and that’s a pretty nice view too, especially with— 

“Rogers.” Steve shifts his gaze to Bucky’s eyeline. He’s leaning against the machine and opening a bag of cool ranch doritos. Which doesn’t make sense. Bucky hates cool ranch, but he’s got two bags of them. Maybe it’s his boyfriend’s favorite and so now Bucky likes it. 

“Barnes.” He replies. “You gonna move?” 

“No. Don’t think I will.” He answers casually and continues eating his chips. He looks at Steve with a challenging grin. Steve could either move Barnes himself, or go find a different vending machine. But that means Bucky wins, and Steve is nothing if not stubborn. He tries to look at the options behind Bucky and frowns.

“Did you buy all the cool ranch chips?” Bucky eats another chip. 

“Maybe, why? Were they your favorite?” He asks innocently. Steve glares at him, his nostrils flared. 

“You know damn well they were.” He growls. Bucky smiles amused and continues eating. Steve wants to punch the expression off his face. He makes a move for the closed bag in his hands, but Bucky is quick and pulls his arm away. He tsks and continues eating his chips. Steve grabs again but Bucky moves away. 

“So rude.” Bucky chastises. Frustrated, Steve pushes Bucky up against the machine. Bucky looks up at him expectantly. This time when Steve grabs the bag Bucky lets him take it, Steve angrily lets go of his former friend and leaves. Screw Bucky, he’s not even hungry now, just angry. 

The two refuse to avoid each other anymore and similar altercations become more consistent. Their friends get annoyed and decide that something has to be done. Sam says that they just need to get them in a room alone and talk it out. Peggy offers up her apartment but Tony jokes that they might try to kill each other instead. Refusing to take that risk the group comes up with a different plan. 

“I’m sorry we never got a chance to go canoeing when we were dating, probably would’ve been real romantic.” Steve apologizes. Peggy waves her hand dismissively. 

“It’s fine, we’re doing it now. Better late than never, and all that.” 

“Still, I feel like—” Before he can finish his thought Steve is ambushed by two big guys in masks who put a sack over his head. Steve is disoriented and tries to fight them off, but suddenly it seems like there are more than two men holding him. He’s being dragged towards the lake still and worries about Peggy. He calls out for her as he kicks and screams. 

“Steve, calm down.” He hears her, strangely calm. 

“What’s going on.” He asks muffled. No answer comes, he gets dragged for a few minutes but is then suddenly tossed in a canoe. He feels something like a knee stabbing him in the back. “God dammit, when I get outta here…!” He yells frustrated. He manages to sit up in the boat with no hands holding him back. The boat is suddenly moving and he lurches forward into the lap of the other body in the boat. He takes off the sack with his hands free and sees his friends from the hockey team and Peggy pushing him in a boat. “Guys?!” 

“You gotta deal with this Steve.” Sam insists. 

“You can only come back when you’re friends again.” Peter says. Steve looks around confused and sees Bucky sitting across from him with a sheepish wave. 

“Barnes.” He greets sternly. “Is this your doing?” He shakes his head. 

“Nah, I got dragged here just like you. Stayed ‘cause I may be strong but I can’t take on a hockey player.” 

“You hit me pretty hard.” Bucky smiles sheepishly. The bruise has faded but there's a lingering discoloration. 

“Consider it payback.” Bucky says. The boats fully in the water now and slowly floating out in the lake. There are no oars for them to steer back, so Steve accepts this as his fate. “So…how you been?” Bucky asks awkwardly. 

“Well, I was having a pretty good time. I’m passing all my classes, this hockey lineup seems really strong, I’m feeling better than ever— only problem is my best friend is being an asshole and fighting with me all the time.” He says pointedly. Bucky rolls his eyes and his expression hardens. 

“That’s not my fault.” 

“Right, ‘cause nothing ever is.” 

“Ya know you’re being a real asshole, Rogers. I’m here tryin’ to make a fuckin’ effort and you’re just stonewalling me like some big hotshot.” Bucky sits up, balancing his arms on his knees. 

“No— fuck you Bucky. I texted you bearing my heart and soul and you just ghost me like who stonewalled who first.” 

“What are you talking about.” Bucky asks exasperated. 

“My birthday! You texted me for the first time and then you never texted me again! And that hurt a lot Buck.” He says softly. “I waited and waited for you to reach out to me and you did but then you stopped and— I don’t know what I did wrong!” He’s nearing tears now, Bucky watches him softly. “I just wanted you back, Buck. I’m sorry about New Years, about everything.” He looks at Bucky with those sky blue eyes pleadingly. Bucky gives him a soft smile. 

“It’s okay, man. You shouldn’t apologize, it’s my fault anyway…. My phone died right after I texted you so I must’ve never seen your message. I thought you still hated me and… I was being kinda petty.” He admits sheepishly. Steve nudges him with his knee and smiles. 

“So, this was all because you thought I ghosted you, and I thought you ghosted me…. Does this mean we can we be friends again?” 

“We’re already ex-lovers apparently.” Bucky grins and Steve rolls his eyes embarrassed by his silly lie. “Sure pal,” Bucky smiles brightly at Steve. “We can be friends again.” Steve blushes and moves to embrace his new old friend in a hug. “No! Wait, Steve, you’re gonna capsize—” The boat flips as Steve moves forward. The edge of the boat hits the back of Steve’s head as he falls on top of Bucky and into the water. Bucky pops up first and gasps for air. He looks around waiting for Steve to show up but he doesn’t. He takes in a deep breath and goes underwater looking for his friend. He finds Steve falling deeper into the lake and swims after him. He pulls him up by the scruff of his shirt and drags them to shore. Bucky pants as he gets to land and studies Steve for any sign of life. Steve coughs up some water and starts breathing again. Bucky sighs in relief and sits next to his friend. He sits with his knees to his chest and watches the horizon. _This is okay_ he thinks. 

“Buck.” He hears Steve rasp out, he quickly turns to check the damage inflicted. Steve looks at him bleary eyed. 

“Hey, Stevie.” He says kindly. “Thought I lost you.” Steve starts crying and sits up, pulling Bucky into a deep hug. 

“I missed you.” Steve mumbles against his shoulder. 

“I missed you too.” Bucky nuzzles his face into Steve’s neck and tries his best not to cry. The sun sets behind them and it looks like tomorrow will be a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be posted Saturday Jan. 18


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky panics about officially coming out to Steve. Natasha takes charge. Cute winter activities pursue.

Tomorrow was a good day, as were the days following. The friendship between Bucky and Steve bloomed again like an in season rose. The two were inseparable as ever; it felt as if Bucky had never left and there was no pause in their relationship. 

But he did leave, and things have changed. The most pressing change being Bucky’s sexuality. He still hasn’t officially come out to his friends, most notably Steve. They knew about his relationship with Clint, but he hasn’t had the opportunity to actually tell them he’s gay. It’s not that he’s afraid he’s just worried that this will somehow strain their already fragile friendship. That by admitting it things will somehow go back to being tense. 

Natasha rolled her eyes when he explained it to her. “He’s not gonna stop being friends with you just ‘cause you’re gay,” she stated matter of factly. Bucky continues pacing in front of the sofa. 

“I know that, it’s just….I don’t want him being all awkward around me, ya know. Like if I touch him he’s not gonna automatically think it’s because I’m attracted to him—” 

“Which you are.” She added as he threw one of the pillows at her. She caught it easily and set it back on the other end of the couch. 

“But we don’t want him to know that. I just wanna keep things normal between us until everything is fine.” 

Now here he is, fall semester is nearing its end and Bucky still hasn’t told Steve. Honestly, sometimes he just gets caught up in the moment and forgets that this is something he should probably do. It’s only when Natasha confronts him again that he finally decides to go through with it. And that’s why he’s chilling in Sam and Steve’s new apartment right now expecting his friend to get back from the gym. The one thing about Steve Rogers is that he’s pretty predictable, especially to Bucky, who’s had a few years now to learn all of Steve’s practices. So he lounges on the couch waiting for Steve to come home promptly at ten. 

Again going back to their old habits, Bucky has let himself live in Steve’s home until he actually has to go to his own home at the end of the day. This time it’s not because he hates who he lives with, he’s actually quite fond of and grateful to Nat and Clint, but because he wants to be near Steve as much as possible. He’s missed him too much. Steve, bless his soul, doesn’t mind at all and seems equally as needy. 

So it’s strange when at 9:45 the key shifts in the lock and Steve walks through the door wearing sweatpants and a way too tight gray workout shirt. Bucky stares at Steve’s nipples that are practically poking holes straight through his friend’s shirt. He wants to bite them; Stevie would probably like them played with. Bucky flushes at the thought and notices that his friend hasn’t acknowledged him yet. “Hi honey,” he teases. “You’re home early. Work out too easy for you?” Steve looks up and cracks a small smile. He puts his gym bag down by the door and plops onto the couch next to Bucky. 

“Hey Buck,” he greets lazily. “Sam sent me home early.” 

“Oh, why?” He asks concerned. Steve is always the last person to leave the gym so it’s unlike him to leave early; he would usually just ignore Sam and train some more. Steve sighs and turns to Bucky sheepishly. 

“I went past my bench limit without the proper warm up, so Sam punished me by sending me home.” 

“More like helping you, dammit Stevie! You could seriously hurt yourself doing shit like that— you wouldn’t be able to walk home!” Steve sighs and ruffles Bucky’s hair. Bucky swats his hand away and fixes the mess. “Go take a shower, you dumbass. Ya smell disgusting.” Steve rolls his eyes but gets up to take a shower anyway. Bucky notices Steve’s careful steps and sighs. He hears the shower start and heads to Steve’s room. He pulls up the comforter and looks in the drawers for some kind of muscle cream or oil. Frustrated at his fruitless search he steps into the bathroom and rummages through those drawers. Steve pulls back the curtain a bit to pop his head through. 

“Hey Buck,” he says hesitantly, “I thought we agreed we wouldn’t walk in on one another anymore.” Bucky looks at his flushed face briefly then continues his search. 

“You got any muscle creams or oils?” He asks, Steve furrows his eyebrows confused. 

“Why do you—” Bucky slams the drawer shut and looks Steve in the eye. 

“You got hurt.” He states. 

“I did…” 

“I’m gonna take care of you so you don’t hurt yourself more. Now where’s the oil I’m gonna give you a massage.” Steve swallows and issues towards the cabinet under the sink. 

“There should be some on Sam’s side.” He closes the curtain again and proceeds with his shower. Bucky finds a bottle of massage oil and heads to the bedroom. He sets his stuff on the side table and wanders around waiting for Steve. His fingers dance against the knick-knacks on his friend’s shelf, small desk toys, a few medals, and some papers Bucky is pretty sure that Steve doesn’t need anymore. He chuckles at the photo of Steve and his mother when he was younger, he’s dressed in a too big suit and pouting indignantly at the camera, Sarah trying desperately to get her son to crack a smile. The second photo features a laughing Steve and smiling Sarah as she tickles her son. Bucky’s heart warms. 

“How do you want me?” Steve’s sudden appearance startles Bucky as he puts down the frame. He turns, greeted with the image of Steve propped against the doorway wearing nothing but a towel. His skin still flushed pink from the warm water, he didn’t even properly dry his hair letting droplets run down his chest. The entire scenario plays like a dream Bucky once had and he only realizes it’s not when Steve gives him a concerned look. He swallows.

“Just, on your stomach.” He points to the queen sized bed. Steve nods and dutifully plops down with his head nestled in his arms. Bucky takes a deep breath to calm himself. He’s really gonna do this, it’ll be fine, cool, whatever. They’re just two guys giving each other a massage, this is normal, he’s done this before. But last time he wasn’t desperately in love with his best friend. “So…” he tries to start a conversation to get rid of the tension. “Why’d you suddenly decide to lift more than you can handle?” He straddles Steve’s thighs, his friend lets out a soft groan at the added pressure. 

“Well,” Steve shifts a bit as Bucky leans over him and grabs the bottle of oil. “I just wanted to gain more muscle.” Bucky lets out a small chuckle. 

“Right, ‘cause you’re not big enough as it is.” He starts rubbing some oil into the center of Steve’s back. “Tell what really happened.” He digs into Steve’s back with the palm of his hand, spreading the oil. Steve moans in response. 

“There was this guy— oh. T’challa, there’s been talk— Right there, Buck, God.” Bucky presses harder between Steve’s shoulder blades. “That he should replace me and…oh Buck.” Bucky pulls back for a moment. 

“Stevie, it’s just talk. They don’t have a reason to replace you, last year the team did great— And didn’t you say that this year’s lineup looks good. You don’t have to keep proving yourself, especially not like this where you get hurt.” Bucky pours more oil and gets to work on Steve’s lower back. “They’d probably only replace you if you get hurt.” Steve grunts in agreement. 

“I’m sorry, Buck.” 

“Sure ya are, just don’t stress about this anymore.” Steve nods against the pillows and moans softly. Bucky’s been blushing the entire time, Steve’s making the most obscene noises, he wishes he could see his face; Steve’s always made the prettiest faces. He continues working on Steve’s waist, admiring how they fill his hands so perfectly. 

“Ah! Buck— ‘s so good…” Bucky hums softly and sits up again. 

“Okay, I think I’m done. How ya feel?” He asks. Steve moves to lay on his back, Bucky lifts himself so he can. 

“Feelin’ pretty good, Bucky, thank you.” He smiles softly at the blushing brunette. 

“‘S no problem, Stevie, just—” 

“No, Buck. I’m serious.” Steve looks at Bucky. “Thank you.” He emphasizes. Bucky’s heart stops at the intensity in Steve’s eyes. Steve sits up gently holding onto Bucky’s hips for balance. “You’re always there for me, and I’m always causin’ trouble. But you…” he circles his thumb on Bucky’s hip bone. “You’re just amazing Buck…” he leans forward. _Is he going to kiss me?_ Bucky thinks. He’s nervous but he doesn’t back away as Steve comes forward. 

“Steve,” he breathes softly, their lips an inch apart.

“I hope your dumbass is resting and that’s why you didn’t— oh.” Sam is standing in the doorway gobsmacked and flushing red. “My bad. I didn’t realize—” 

“NO! No-—” Bucky jumps out of Steve’s lap and faces Sam. “I was just giving him a massage—”

“Because I hurt myself.” 

“Because he hurt himself. And that is what friends do.” Bucky finishes. Sam is staring at the two of them quizzically, his eyes dart to the towel and he raises an eyebrow. He doesn’t say anything neither to Bucky or Steve, both incredibly embarrassed and flustered. Bucky wishes he could disappear. 

“...Right, okay.” Sam finally says then leaves to his own room. Bucky and Steve sigh in relief and before Steve can get a word in Bucky is already excusing himself out of the room. 

“I should go…Natasha— there’s a thing. I need to—” 

“No, yea. I get it you, you go do what ya gotta do.” Steve issues to the door and gets up to get changed. Bucky takes one last look at his friend and leaves. He rushes out the door and speed walks to the other side of campus to his own apartment. He doesn’t stop until he knocks on Natasha’s door and face plants onto her mattress. She’s in the middle of painting her nails but she sets that aside at her friend’s distraught appearance. He props his chin on the black comforter. 

“Did you tell him?” She asks. He faceplants again and screams into the comforter. He props himself up again as if nothing happened. 

“I forgot.” 

“Oh Jamie.” She goes back to painting her nails. Bucky lies down quietly at the edge of the bed. 

“We almost kissed.” He mumbles after she finishes her left hand. She pauses, then continues onto her right hand. “But he doesn’t really like me like that…he’s just curious…” Bucky muses more to himself than Natasha. Regardless she rolls her eyes and caps her polish and pulls out her phone. He turns to her now, “What do you think I—” she sticks up a finger signaling to wait a moment. She finishes typing and looks at grinning wolfishly at him. 

“You wanna go out tonight?” She asks. 

“...What kind of out?”

“Fun kind, not the party kind.” 

“I like the fun kind.” 

“I know you do, so we going out or what?” Bucky thinks about this for a moment and shrugs. 

“Sure, what kind of fun do you have planned.” She doesn’t answer him and instead just continues grinning and goes back to painting her nails. He’ll figure out what kind of fun she has planned later. 

It’s the criminal kind apparently. 

“This isn’t fun.” He hisses at her as she unlocks the doors to the school’s Lee Stadium where all their winter sports play. 

“Oh please, they gave me a key and didn’t expect me to use it?” Bucky rolls his eyes.

“How did you get a key anyway?” Clint asks. She smiles conspiratorially at him. 

“I told them I wanted to come in and practice after hours— I’m very trustworthy.” Clint and Bucky look at each other with matched doubtful expressions. Natasha is one of the most notable figure skaters in their school, she always brings them awards and recognition. Regardless she does have a point, so Bucky goes in. 

He’s lacing up his skates when Sam, Peggy, Peggy’s cousin, Tony and Steve come in. Him and Steve meet eyes for a moment but immediately look away. “Who let you guys in here,” he jokes easily. 

“Natasha— apparently. Hi, Tony Stark, I know, I know, big fans. I’ll sign autographs later.” He introduces himself to Nat and Clint. The rest do the same, soon after Pepper, Rhodey and Maria show up. Tony immediately launches himself into Rhodey’s arms and kisses Pepper on the cheek; they both smile fondly at him. Natasha sits next to Bucky and ties up her own skates. 

“Do I wanna know how you got my other friends to come?” He asks. 

“Peggy and I go way back.” Said woman’s cousin comes and sits next to Nat. Natasha greets her with a warm smile Bucky has only recently become familiar with and a kiss that was anything but innocent. Bucky blushes and looks away from the couple. He ends up meeting eyes with Steve again but this time they don’t look away. Steve offers a small smile and Bucky returns one of his own. He gets up and wobbles towards his friend. 

“Did you know about this,” he issues to the two women who are now making their way onto the ice. 

“I had no idea, I seriously thought Peggy was trying to set you and Kate up.” 

“Well that wouldn’tve worked since me and her are apparently both gay.” Shit. Bucky slaps a hand over his mouth and looks at Steve wide-eyed. He briefly has his own expression of shock but then neutralizes it. 

“Yea, no, that would’ve been horrible for both of you.” It’s awkward for a moment before Steve speaks again. “Well, I’m gonna head onto the ice. You comin’?” Bucky looks hesitantly to all his other friends laughing and having fun. 

“I’ll be there in a minute.” He smiles, Steve just nods and heads onto the ice. _This’ll be fun_ , Bucky thinks. _I can do this, remember what Nat says, don’t force it just go_. He waits for her and Kate to circle to the entrance and he joins them. It’s cold, but a nice cold, not the freezing cold that burns your face. “So, you’re dating Kate?” 

“It’s Sharon,” Sharon corrects him. He offers a sheepish look in apology. “But yea, we’ve been dating for a little over a year now.” She looks lovingly at Natasha. 

“Yea…it’s been good.” She smiles dreamily. Bucky feels like he’s interrupting so he decides to try and skate on his own for a while. Suddenly music starts pouring in from the speakers and Bucky looks up at the booth startled. He sees Clint giving him a big thumbs up and signing something that Bucky can’t understand from down below. Before he has a chance to sign back asking for Clint to repeat himself the self-declared excellent skater Tony Stark bumps into him, sending him hurtling into the wall. He catches himself before he has a chance to fall and looks indignantly at the culprit. Steve quickly comes over to help him up and Tony skates away with a small sorry. 

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” He can’t help but smile. 

“What?” Steve asks. 

“Nothing, it’s just cute.” 

“Cute?” 

“Yea, the way you ran over here the minute you think I got hurt. It’s adorable.” 

“I see how it is, my caring for you is adorable. I’m sorry for being worried.” Steve says overdramatically. He doesn’t keep his despondent face long as he immediately breaks out into a grin. Bucky laughs and the two continue skating. Bucky grips the wall tightly and instead of skating ahead Steve stays with him. 

“Ya know, all these years I’ve lived in New York, and I never once learned how to skate.” He laughs bitterly. As if the universe is hearing him he slips in that moment but quickly grips the wall. He laughs again to ease Steve’s worry. 

“Here, just, hold onto me.” Steve reaches out his arm for Bucky to take and he hesitantly does. Steve slowly skates them away from the wall and into the center of the ice where most of their friends have congregated. Bucky slips once, but Steve quickly catches him and holds him with one arm around his waist and the other gripping his left hand. Old 80s music continues to play from the speakers, Clint sure has interesting tastes. Bucky recognizes an ABBA song and genuinely enjoys the performance Tony gives along with it. 

Bucky is having a really good time on the ice, surrounded by old and new friends. The song ends and another one begins, one Bucky actually recognizes. He gasps excitedly and starts singing along loudly to Jessie’s Girl by Rick Springfield. Steve laughs as he tries to get him to sing along. The two end up shouting the chorus together causing all their friends to jam with them. The song ends and Bucky laughs deliriously happy. He’s getting the hang of this skating thing and slowly eases out of Steve’s grip. “Oh right,” Steve quickly lets go of Bucky, flustered. Bucky stretches out his arms to balance himself due to the sudden loss of support. Once he successfully balances himself Steve smiles at him proudly. 

The moment is short lived however. Bucky is suddenly pushed forward careening towards Steve. The two end up in a pile on the floor with Bucky’s face in Steve’s chest. He looks up and sees a satisfied looking Natasha pass by. He rolls his eyes and tries to lift himself up but ends up slipping on ice and falling again. Steve grunts as Bucky lands on him again and Bucky shoots him an apologetic look. “You okay?” He asks and Steve nods in response. 

“I’m fine, Buck.” He sits up and Bucky is suddenly brought back to earlier that day when they were in the same position. Steve notices too and blushes. 

“Need a hand,” a voice comes from over his shoulder. Bucky turns around and sees Clint smirking at him with an outstretched hand. Bucky takes it and lets himself be pulled up. Steve pulls himself up and eyes the two suspiciously. “Oh and before I forget, I got a surprise for you when we get home.” He whispers with a wink and skates away. 

“Steven, I think you and James should rest for a bit.” Peggy suggests. Natasha skates up to her and puts her arm around her shoulder looking smugly at the two. Steve slowly nods and skates the two of them out of the rink to a bench. Bucky looks back at the two women and Natasha winks at him. He blushes. 

Bucky loosens his skates and Steve keeps staring at him intensely. “Do I have something on my face, or what?” He chuckles nervously. 

“Nothing, it’s just…um, is Clint your boyfriend?” Steve looks up anxiously. Bucky is left speechless and blinks. 

“No? Clint is not…my boyfriend…. We’re just friends…why?” 

“Oh, I was just— ‘cause, ya know, _we know_.” Steve sighs. “He seems awfully close to you and I was just curious.” 

“Oh.” 

“‘Cause Peter on the hockey team— and Tony saidI— I’m sorry.” Steve’s nervousness is adorable, but then again everything he does is adorable. Bucky could’ve face palmed right there. 

“Right, Peter, with the side-burns?” 

“Yea, that one.” 

“Uh-huh. But no, Clint and I are just friends.” 

“That’s good,” Bucky raises his eyebrow and smirks at Steve.

“Is it?” Steve flushes and looks away quickly. 

“N-no, not like that— I mean it—” 

“Relax,” Bucky drawls, “I’m just messin’ with you. I know you’re just jealous, as my fake ex and all.” Steve laughs awkwardly and the two are shortly joined by Sam. 

“Hey guys,” he greets them, “it’s getting late, some of us are heading to Nat’s place for hot chocolate and maybe movie marathon. You in?” Steve and Bucky look at each other thinking it over. 

“Sure,” Steve says unlacing his skates completely. The three of them plus Peggy, Sharon, Clint and Nat lock up and head towards their apartment. Pepper and Rhodey take home an exhausted Tony and Maria excuses herself as she has to take care of her father. She kisses Sam goodbye and Bucky and Steve join in on cooing at him.

“So you’re not staying with your Uncle anymore?” Steve asks as they get to the apartment. 

“Nah, he kicked me out after he found out I’m gay.” Steve looks taken aback. 

“Oh, Buck, I’m sorry—” 

“Don’t worry about it.” Bucky brushes it off. “Nat and Clint were kind enough to take me in, and I honestly like this arrangement a lot more.” Natasha unlocks the door and they all enter the home. “Speaking of which, Clinton, where’s my surprise.” He makes grabby hands at his friend and Clint holds up two fingers and whistles. Everyone’s confused for a moment then there’s a little thumping noise coming from the hallway. A small golden retriever puppy comes waddling in from the hallway. Bucky immediately falls to his knees and scoops up the little fluffball. “Oh! Who’s this precious little baby.” 

“That’s my son, I birthed him this morning on the way to theoretical physics. Fifteen minutes of painful labor.” Clint exposes. “His name’s Lucky, ‘cause I’m lucky to have found him.” He smiles cheekily. Bucky continues petting the puppy that is now nibbling on his hand. 

“Oh, Lucky,” he preens. “You’re so adorable, I’m so sorry your daddy is Clint.” 

“Hey! I’ll have you know I’m a great father.” Bucky rolls his eyes and carries the little puppy to the living room with everyone else. Sharon and Sam coo over the new puppy. Natasha gets up and moves towards the kitchen. 

“So, seven cups of hot chocolate?” Natasha asks. Bucky looks at her quizzically. 

“I thought I was gonna make the cocoa?” 

“Um, no? I am, since I’m the best cook here.” She insists. 

“For your information, I make _the best_ hot chocolate.” Bucky gets up and makes his own move towards the kitchen. “It’s won state fairs back in Indiana.” He brags. 

“Oh,” Steve turns interested in the conversation. “Why haven’t I ever had this first place hot chocolate?” 

“Oh Stevie, you couldn’t handle my first place hot chocolate.” He pushes Steve’s cheek playfully. Steve scoffs. 

“Ya know Sammy makes some pretty good hot chocolate.” Said man pops his head up at hearing his name. 

“Sammy makes what now?” He asks. Bucky and Natasha are now standing side by side with their arms crossed. 

“Hot chocolate.” They both answer. Sam gets up at this and stares down Natasha and Bucky, which is no easy feat. 

“Oh hell yea! I make a mean hot chocolate, you know why. ‘Cause I am a hot chocolate man.” Everyone groans at his lame joke. 

“Okay, okay. So there’s only one way to settle this,” Peggy interrupts. “We’re going to have a hot chocolate cook off. Natasha vs Bucky vs Sam.” 

“Battle of the titans.” Clint adds on. 

“Steve will be the judge because he can’t lie for shit.” Natasha decides. 

“That’s not true— you don’t even know me!” Everyone levels Steve with the same deadpan look. “Am I really that bad?” 

“Oh sweetheart,” Peggy says fondly, “yes, you’re a terrible liar.” Steve pouts and the rest continue planning out the competition. The three contestants will be forced to share the microwave however each has their own designated stove top. They will make one cup of hot chocolate each and Steve will sample each one. “I’ll root for Sam.” Peggy declares. 

“I’ll be on the winning team,” Sharon says winking at her girlfriend who kisses her sweetly in response. 

“I’ll support Bucky-boy then.” Clint grins at said man. Bucky winks at him in response. Steve bristles in the corner of the room. 

“Enough chit-chat, let’s get to hot chocolate-ing” Sam claps his hands and the contestants make their way to the kitchen. Natasha goes with a more formal cocoa powder recipe while both Bucky and Sam use actual chocolate. Bucky blends different types of chocolate while Sam keeps it simple. Sharon holds Nat as she bakes with a calm efficiency, while Peggy cheers on Sam. Steve gives commentary for what the contestants are doing from time to time, Clint throws mini-marshmallows at the other contestants. He throws them at Bucky too but he just manages to catch them in his mouth and smirks cheekily at Clint and Steve’s shocked faces. Clint then refuses to throw marshmallows Bucky’s way, no matter how much he asks, and instead goes to torment Steve. The three quickly finish their own cups and Peggy collects them so that Steve doesn’t know which is which. 

“You each can make an opening statement.” Peggy instructs. Sam steps forward first. 

“Steve, you’re my best friend. I trust you to pull through for me whenever I need you, and I’ll always do the same. I know you’ll make the right choice.” Bucky steps forward next, scandalized by Sam’s blatant pandering. 

“Stevie, I know Sam has become your right hand man now, but don’t forget who was first,” he sends a cocky look to Sam. “You and me, we got history, shared life experience, we go way back. And I know, regardless of whatever Sam wants, you’ll always do what’s morally right.” Bucky and Sam enter into a glaring competition and Natasha steps forward. 

“Steve,” she starts primly. “I know we have only just met, but from what Bucky tells me, you’re a good person. I know you will tell the truth and give your honest opinion,” she nods intensely and Steve begins tasting them. The first comes inside a blue and gray striped mug and it’s incredibly sweet. The second comes in a black mug with a red bowtie on it, and it ends up bitter but for some reason Steve drinks more. The third comes in a red angry bird mug and tastes normal but with a hint of spice. Steve eyes the mugs again one by one and deliberates in his head as to which is the best. In the end he chooses the angry bird mug citing the striped one as painfully sweet and the bowtie as not that good. Sam cheers as his recipe is selected. 

“Great, now you have to make six more cups.” Nat points out and Sam’s face immediately falls. Sam enlists Peggy’s help as she’s on his team and the rest go back to the living room where Lucky becomes the center of attention again. Bucky is now on the floor with Clint playing with the puppy. Natasha put on a John Mulaney special on Netflix to play in the background. 

“So,” Steve starts, “how do you and Peggy know each other?” Natasha looks to Peggy for confirmation that it’s okay for her to tell this story. 

“We matched on tinder.” She answers plainly. Bucky sits up and looks at her shocked. 

“I think we need a little more info than that.” Nat sighs but obliges him anyway. 

“She was visiting one summer like two years ago and we matched on tinder, we met up and decided to just be friends. Then she introduced me to her really cute cousin from Washington and me and Sharon have been inseparable ever since.” 

“Aww,” Clint says with his head in his palms. “Now how did you and Bucky meet?” Clint turns to Steve. 

“First day of our first year, we were in the same class—” 

“Well we knew each other before then,” Bucky interrupts. “We went to the same high school and were even in the same class—”

“Yea, but you barely noticed me. We were only in like one class together.” Steve dismisses the fact. 

“We had gym together junior year,” Steve blushes at the memory and the fact that Bucky remembered. “That guy, Batroc, kept bothering you after class. You got in a fight one day with him, I don’t remember what, but I remember after that he never bothered you again.” Bucky smiles Steve’s red face. 

“I didn’t think you’d remember all that.” Steve mumbles quietly. Sam comes in with Peggy and hot chocolate. 

“I remember everything, Steve.” The two share a moment of warmth that gets interrupted by mugs shoved in their faces. “I will remember that you chose Sam’s chocolate over mine, that shit hurts man.” He teases. 

“Which one was yours, Buck?” Steve asks. 

“The one in the striped mug.” Steve thinks for a moment then remembers why he didn’t pick it. 

“It was too sweet for me, that might fly in Indiana but here…” he puts his hands up in a placating gesture. Bucky laughs and playfully tries to punch Steve but he moves out of the way. 

“Of course Bucky’s recipe would be too sweet, he’s just too sweet.” Everyone groans at Clint’s lame joke. Bucky pushes him playfully. Clint falls back so his head is in Bucky’s lap. 

“I’m about as sweet as vinegar,” Bucky insists as he plays with Clint’s short sandy hair. 

“This seems pretty sweet to me.” Natasha says and nudges them with her foot. 

“Yea, you sure you two never dated?” Steve tries to play it off as a joke but he can see Sam sighing in the background. Bucky laughs regardless. 

“No, Steve, we never dated.” He answers casually. Clint frowns and sits up facing Bucky. 

“We kinda dated?” 

“I don’t really count that, ‘cause it was more of a casual thing—” 

“I mean we weren’t officially dating, obviously we made that clear, but—” 

“Wait.” Steve interrupts. “Someone explain what’s going on.” Neither Clint nor Bucky speak first, instead it is Natasha, as always, who has all the answers. 

“The two have been hooking up repeatedly since— like what? February?— In a friends-with-benefits type arrangement.” She says glibly then returns to the Netflix special. Bucky winces at her casual tone. To anyone else this would seem like Natasha doesn’t care, but Bucky knows different. He knows this is Natasha trying to force something, she has been the entire night, but this feels like it’s going a bit too far. He glares at her while Steve stares at him shocked, and then angry. 

“What the hell Bucky!” He suddenly yells. Lucky jumps and runs to the other side of the couch where Sam picks him up and cradles him. 

“What!” He snaps back defensively. 

“You’re just sleeping around with people now?!” Bucky rolls his eyes. 

“So? It’s my body, I can do whatever the fuck I want.” Bucky doesn’t correct him that he’s only slept with Clint and not random strangers. 

“Of course you can, Buck-—“ he starts exasperatedly trying to calm down the situation. “I just mean that I thought sex was something important to you— ya know for like only with people you really like.” 

“I like Clint, where’s the problem?” Bucky challenges fiercely. Steve’s face falls but quickly hardens as he furrows his eyebrows. 

“Are you still sleeping together?” Steve asks calmly. 

_No_ is what Bucky should say. _I only want you_ , is what he means. But Bucky is nothing if not a petty bitch. 

“Why the fuck do you care!” Is what he says instead. And that’s definitely not what he should’ve said. Everyone goes quiet, Natasha even muted the TV, waiting for Steve’s rebuttal. But there’s no response, not even an emotional one. Steve’s face is a blank canvas for Bucky to draw his own conclusions on. Steve’s gets up and leaves without a word of goodbye. 

The air is still for a moment. No one moves, no one speaks, even Lucky recognizes the tension in the room. They all just look at one another for some cue as to what to do next. Peggy, as self-assured as always, motions first. 

“Well, I think this night has gone on long enough. I’ll go talk to Steven, goodnight everyone.” She leaves, shortly after Sam follows and Sharon decides to stay the night. Her and Clint go to their own rooms with Lucky while Natasha stays in the living room staring sharply at a fuming Bucky. 

“What?” He snaps at her. She remains impassive and doesn’t speak. This spurs Bucky on more, “You think I fucked up don’t you? God, you’re so fucking smug. You keep pullin’ shit like this thinking it’ll get the two of us together but as you can see,” he issues towards the empty room, “it just makes things worse for everybody.” He huffs and gets up, heading to Clint’s room to get his stuff and move to the couch. Natasha grabs his wrist tightly as he passes her, he comes to a halt. 

“Why are you so upset, James?” She asks genuinely curious. He scoffs. 

“Maybe it’s because my best friend just called me a whore in front of everyone.” She frowns. 

“You know he didn’t mean it like that—” 

“Oh no? What did he mean then? That I’m a tease? I sleep with guys just ‘cause I can? That because I’m gay I must be a total slut for getting fucked—” 

“Shut the hell up!” Natasha screams, leaving Bucky shocked. He’s never seen her lose her cool in such a negative way before and right now he’s a little scared. She points at the spot next to her, “Sit,” she commands, he does. “Now I’m only going to say this once but if you ever say that shit about Steve again I’m going to have to beat some sense into you.” Bucky moves to apologize but Natasha holds up a finger. “No— you don’t get to speak until I’m finished. Apparently you’re too dense to notice that Steve likes you and the thought of you with other guys upsets him. I didn’t _force_ anything, I invited Peggy to come out tonight, said she could bring friends, and she did. This wouldn’t have happened if _you_ didn’t get so defensive, this could’ve been controlled with a simple, calm conversation.” Bucky looks down at his lap shamefully. “The kind of conversation you were supposed to have earlier today, where you could explain your feelings and sexuality in a non-confrontational environment. And I get that you panicked, but you need to talk with him one way or another, not tonight though.” She gently lifts his face up and cradles his cheek. “It’s late, let Peggy take care of Steve. Tomorrow, though,” she begins sternly, “I want you to go down and apologize and actually talk, okay?” Bucky nods quietly and Natasha pats his cheek. “Good, do you want to sleep in my room tonight?” He shakes his head. 

“Sharon is here, I don’t wanna interrupt you guys. I’ll be fine on the couch.” 

“Okay.” She says softly and moves towards her bedroom. 

“Natasha,” she turns around, “I’m sorry.” He says meekly. She goes back and pecks him on the cheek sweetly then goes to bed. Bucky gathers his stuff from Clint’s room, said man already snoring unattractively with Lucky splayed out on top of him, and goes to bed in the living room. He sleeps easily however on the other side of campus someone isn’t as sound. 

“Steve, let me in.” Peggy knocks softly on his door. Steve curls himself around his pillow and tries to calm his crying. 

“Go away.” He calls out. He turns up his music louder to drown out his friend’s knocking. He just wants to be alone right now and wallow in his feelings. The door to his room unlocks and the bed dips next to him. A reassuring hand is placed on his hip, rubbing comfortingly up and down. He sighs exasperatedly and unfolds himself and faces the intruder. Peggy smiles down at him with her perfectly painted red lips. 

“Sam is making popcorn and putting on Ferris Bueller, you wanna join us?” Steve nuzzles his face into his pillow and shakes his head. “You wanna talk about it then?” She continues. 

“Buh muh hm ha hm hmm.” He mumbles incoherently. 

“What was that?” Peggy puts a strand of hair behind her ear and leans close to hear. Steve sighs and turns his head so he can speak clearly. 

“Bucky has a boyfriend.” He answers morosely. Tears start to well up in his eyes again so he turns to his intimate friend the pillow. Peggy moves to stroke his hair instead. 

“Technically he said he and Clint aren’t dating—” 

“But they’re sleeping together Peggy!” Steve sits up. “They live together, they’re probably gonna raise Lucky together and be one big happy family, and I’ll be all alone!” Steve cries out and falls back onto the bed. The tears start flowing again, Steve covers his face with his hands. 

“Oh Steven,” Peggy consoles him and wipes away his tears. “You can’t just decide that Bucky doesn’t like you, at least give him a chance.” Steve quiets down after this and hesitantly looks at his friend. She smiles warmly at him. “I know it’s scary, but maybe things’ll turn for the best.” 

“What should I do Peg?” 

“Tell him how you feel, give him a chance to accept or reject you. But for now, let’s go watch a movie with Sam.” Steve nods and sits up, Peggy fixes his hair a bit and they head to the living room. Sam is sitting there already starting the movie, he smiles at the two of them easily. 

“Hey man, want some popcorn?” He sticks out the bowl and Steve takes a handful of the buttery treat. “I didn’t see Angie tonight,” Sam says as he offers the bowl to Peggy. She politely declines and Sam puts the bowl in front of Steve so they could all grab some whenever they want. 

“She’s working tonight and tomorrow morning, so she couldn’t make it.” 

“Dang, that sounds horrible.” Sam comments. 

“I know! Apparently some other girl was supposed to close the diner tonight but she never showed up so Angie had to stay until closing— and she’s already scheduled to open tomorrow! It’s ridiculous!” Peggy fumes. 

“At least she’s gonna get paid more, hopefully that other girl gets fired or some shit, ‘cause that’s just rude.” The two continue their discussion about common work etiquette while Steve sinks in the middle. Even though they’re in a heated rampage Steve smiles fondly at the two. 

These are his friends, people who check in on him when he’s not okay, don’t pressure him into doing anything, put on his favorite movie even though it’s late. These are Steve’s people, the only thing that would make it better is if Bucky came in and joined them. But he knows he won't, he knows that it will be a while because they both need their space. But he still misses him, and he’s still a little heartbroken, but Peggy helped. She gave Steve hope, hope that Bucky might feel the same, hope that even if he doesn’t they’ll always remain friends, and that’s all Steve needs. So he nestles into the couch and eats his popcorn and watches his movie while his friends continue to complain in the background. 

The next day both men wake up and prepare for the day ahead. Steve goes out running with Sam, stopping at a small cafe for a light breakfast. Bucky wakes up earlier than normal and makes pancakes for his roommates and their guest. He dances around the kitchen humming a song he’s been listening to a lot lately. 

“Well you’re in a good mood.” Natasha greets, he kisses her loudly on the cheek and presents her with a plate of pancakes. She skeptically accepts and sits to eat. 

“I came up with the perfect plan!” Bucky declares proudly. Natasha takes a sip of her coffee. 

“To get Steve?” Bucky nods and places the other plates on the table for his sleeping friends. 

“I saw it in my dream— that’s why I woke up early. I’m so excited!” He squeals and digs into his breakfast. Natasha lifts an eyebrow at him. 

“You gonna tell me what this perfect plan is?” 

“Nope.” He says popping the p. He grins cheekily at her and she rolls her eyes fondly. Clint and Sharon eventually join them for breakfast. Bucky keeps checking the time and bouncing his leg anxiously. He finishes eating quickly and leaves his plate in the sink without washing, Natasha scolds him as he runs out the door. He quickly goes to set his plan in action feeling more exilherated than anxious. 

Steve and Sam have just finished their workout and Sam begins to head home, Steve tells him he has to go do something important. Sam gives him a knowing look and a pat on the back, the two go their separate ways. Steve is incredibly anxious as he enters into the small shop. He quickly finds what he’s looking for and heads to the cash register to pay, only to find someone else already there. The customer finishes paying and turns around, face to face with the big, sweaty man. 

“Steve?” 

“Bucky?” Bucky blushes embarrassed to be seen in his pajamas still. The awkwardness is short lived however once he takes note of the present in the other man’s hands. “White chrysanthemums.” He notes. 

“Gladioli.” Bucky replies. “Those for me?” He teases with a smirk. 

“Yea they are.” Steve answers breathlessly. He looks so fondly at Bucky, like the man contains all the happiness in the world. Bucky loses his composure at the sincere response. He sticks out his own bouquet for Steve to take. 

“Well these are for you.” He looks away, shy. Steve gingerly takes them and hands his own bouquet to Bucky even though he hasn’t paid yet. Bucky admires the flowers and a soft smile graces his face. He looks up at Steve, his confidence regained. “Do I pierce your heart with passion, Stevie?” He grins. Steve smiles at him. 

“Yea, Buck, you do. Do you love me, devotedly?” He responds with his own matching grin. Bucky laughs and shakes his head, disbelief of everything around him. 

“Yea Stevie, I do.” He sets the bouquet on the counter for the salesgirl to ring up. She’s so entranced by the scene before her she doesn’t notice. It doesn’t matter though because Bucky takes a step forward and sets his bouquet for Steve on the counter as well, and takes Steve’s hands in his own and looks up at the blonde, grinning. “You gonna kiss me, Rogers, or do I have to find a flower for that too?” Steve smiles back, deliriously happy and nods. He moves forward and the two finally meet in a passionate kiss. Steve takes his hand out of Bucky’s hold and wraps his arm around his friend, pulling him closer into him. Bucky lifts his hand to Steve’s jaw and softly cradles his face. The salesgirl, Kamala, claps and the two separate sheepishly. Steve pays for the bouquet then properly hands it to Bucky. They gaze at each other lovingly, grinning like fools. Bucky takes Steve’s free hand and the two walk out of the store and into a new blossoming new beginning. 

In a storm, it’s hard to determine what might or might not happen. Humans can pretend to control them but in the end Nature is what controls them. Steve Rogers is a force of nature, but Bucky Barnes is a tree, and sometimes it’s okay for the tree to let go and let nature carry it away. That’s how it can spread itself and grow bigger and sturdier trees. Bucky doesn’t mind being swept away by Steve Rogers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! Sorta, I most likely will be adding an epilogue but right now things are kinda hectic so please wait patiently for that. Thank you so much to everyone who's commented or given kudos. I'll try to write even better in the future! I'm satisfied with this being my first stucky fic. 
> 
> I love you all!


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